...with each passing moment

May 29, 2011

2011-08-13T15:23:00.002-05:00

Rev. Matt Kennedy

North Park Covenant Church

Chicago IL

Scriptures: Acts 17:22-31, 1 Peter 3:13-22, John 14:15-21

My Favorite Year

2010-07-06T06:37:00.005-05:00

Lucie turned one yesterday! We've done much celebrating, and she has enjoyed being the center of attention. It's been a crazy busy and full year with many ups and downs, and it certainly has been my favorite year ever. We've been so blessed with this wonderful baby (now more like a little kid)! Please enjoy this video chronicling a Year in the Life of Lucinda!

Lucinda is One from Matt Kennedy on Vimeo.

Stay tuned

2010-07-05T23:28:00.002-05:00

OK, so I almost have a video for Lucie's birthday. It will be up tomorrow!

Your 2010 Seattle Mariners

2010-04-05T18:52:00.003-05:00

I've looked everywhere but I cannot find my Mariners baseball cap. Fortunately, my little "Sweet Lu" is representing for me this opening day.

Just a few hours from the first game of the season. Seattle made some high profile moves much earlier in the off-season, and it was certainly looking like the Mariner's front office was "in it to win it". Cliff Lee, Chone Figgins, and Milton Bradley were the major additions to the team. But as pre-season continued skeptics began asking again whether the offense would be good enough and the starting rotation go deep enough to make a run for a title in what could be a competitive division. Doubt and concern grew as Cliff Lee suffered an abdominal strain in spring training that has the potential to keep him out of the rotation till mid-May. Mariners fans were waiting to see if GM Jack Zdierenek had any surprise moves left before the season began in order to fill the offensive holes at first base, DH, and elsewhere in the infield; or perhaps to shore up the back end of the rotation with a better arm. Instead, we entered spring training with a mix of solid players and some big question marks.

Here is where I put my hope. The best 1-2 pitching punch in baseball: Felix Hernandez and Cliff Lee. Reports are that Lee is recovering fairly quickly from his strain, and that though he starts the season on the DL, he could be back as early as the end of April. Additionally, we have Erik Beddard recovering from elbow surgery and also progressing very quickly. If he comes back in form, we'll 3 starters each capable of staff aces. This becomes especially valuable in the postseason where the breaks in between divisional and league series sets us up to sweep our rivals, saving our back end of the rotation for clean up duty. And though there's a lot of skepticism about our offense, I like what this lineup has going for it. Ichiro and Chone Figgins are an incredible pair to lead off with. They get on base a lot and move around the bases quickly. We might not have much in the way of power hitters, but when you get fast guys on base often-- runs will score. I'm also of the mind that Milton Bradley has a lot of potential to bounce back from what was really not-all-that-bad of a season with the Cubs last year. The guy can still hit. If he stays healthy, sane, and avoids ejection-- I think he can still hit for avg and draw walks. Once again, the bullpen looks to be an underrated asset. And though it'll be hard to match the defensive numbers put up by last year's squad, once again this team is built around incredible defense that will help keep us in games even when our bats aren't so hot.

The big question marks and worry spots are still offensive in nature. A Ken Griffey Jr./Mike Sweeney Platoon at DH is a frightening thing. Both are fragile, older guys who each have a good chance of losing playing time to injury, and each will have to buck the trend of steep hitting decline in their age brackets. Similarly, with Casey Kotchman penciled in as the everyday 1st basemen, he hasn't yet shown himself to hit big league pitching with consistency. He strikes out too much, and doesn't seem to have the power bat you'd like from a first baseman. And finally, Ian Snell continues to struggle to find the strike zone. He remains something of a head case. Many say the potential is there to be a fine starter, but I'm just not all that impressed.

I think this team is built for a winning season, but it's hard to see them easily finishing ahead of Texas, the Angels, and even Oakland looks competitive. A few things will need to go right: Lee gets healthy quick, Griffey/Sweeney bucks the trend and hits productively inspite of their geriatric status, Kotchman breaks out with some power, Beddard comes back with that good placement and killer curveball, and Milton Bradley proves that last year was a fluke and he is still a solid hitter. If three or four of these things happen, we've got a good chance. If two or three happen, we've got an outside chance. And the possibility exists that all scenarios fail to play out and we lose 90 games. But its opening day and everybody starts out tied for first! This is an exciting team because there is so much that could go right and so much that could go wrong. 2008 was a huge disappointment, 2009 was a pleasant surprise, 2010 just has no predicting...

A Quote for Ash Wednesday

2010-02-17T10:34:00.002-06:00

"There is no deeper pathos in the spiritual life of man [sic] than the cruelty of righteous people. If any one idea dominates the teachings of Jesus, it is his opposition to the self-righteousness of the righteous. The parable spoken unto 'certain which trusted in themselves that they are righteous, and despised others' made the most morally disciplined group of the day, his Pharisees, the object of his criticism. In fact, Jesus seems to have been in perpetual conflict with the good people of his day and ironically justified his consorting with the bad people by the remark that not those who are whole, but those who are sick, are in need of a physician...

The criticism which Jesus leveled at good people had both a religious and moral connotation. They were proud in the sight of God and they were merciless and unforgiving to their fellow-men. Their pride is the basis of their lack of mercy. The unmerciful servant, in Jesus' parable is unforgiving to his fellow-servant in spite of the mercy which he had received from his master.

Forgiving love is a possibility only for those who know that they are not good, who feel themselves in need of a divine mercy, who live in a dimension deeper and higher than that of moral idealism, feel themselves as well as their fellow men convicted of sin by a holy God and know that the difference between the good man and the bad man are insignificant in his sight. St. Paul expresses the logic of this religious feeling in the words:

"With me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of your or of man's judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self. For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not thereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord."

...For this reason the the religious ideal of forgiveness is more profound and more difficult than the rational virtue of tolerance," - Reinhold Niebuhr

Poor blog.

2010-01-21T15:32:00.004-06:00

We've seriously neglected this blog! I don't have anything in particular to say, but in order to fulfill my duty to the blogosphere, here are a couple of CUTIE pictures of Lu that her awesome Auntie Adrienne took last weekend!

5 months!

2009-12-06T22:03:00.002-06:00

Happy 5 month Birthday (yesterday)!

Dealing with it

2009-11-17T20:03:00.000-06:00

"Midway in our life's journey, I went astray from the straight road and woke to find myself alone in a dark wood."
-Dante, The Inferno

As I've approached this, the second anniversary of Evie's birth, I've not been able to articulate how I feel now about it. The second year of this grief journey has certainly been full of pain revisited but much healing as well. Yet I couldn't shake the feeling for the last few days that I was slowly approaching a dark place-- that daylight was slowly setting with the son as I approached shadowy woods. I would say that it is because this time of the year a different kind of pain is retouched. The general "ache" of Evie's absence is always with me, but at this time I feel the pit in my stomach at the memory of our trauma.

I enjoy remembering the happiness of Evie's birth. It was one of the few times in my life where I literally burst into tears of joy. That's a memory that cannot be taken from me. What does afflict me is the prospect of reliving the 21 days that followed-- the fear, the disorientation, and the trauma. We are glad to have so many people carry the memory and grief of Evie's life with us, and to celebrate with us the value of her life. But the trauma of those 21 days at Children's Memorial is something only Nicole and I understand.

For now, the task I have is embracing the memory of joy and the anticipation of our reunion at the end of time. These things ought to endure, while the troubles we suffered will pass away... and I will come out of these woods, and the pit in my stomach will pester me no longer.

We are a Family of Four

2009-11-17T00:01:00.006-06:00

It's hard to believe Evangeline was born 2 years ago. In a way it seems like it couldn't have been that long ago, but it's also hard to remember life before her so in that was it seems like a very long 2 years. I've been stressing a little leading up to this day because I've wondered, how do you mark an occasion like this? November 17th, 2007 was a day of great joy, and I wish that I could just celebrate that joy, but instead all I can feel is what's missing.

I think I'll take the opportunity of her birthday to work with Matt to put all of her pictures into a album. Strangely, even though I have each and every picture of her printed and an album chosen, I have never completed that project. We will have the evening together as a family--please pray for us as we spend time remembering Evie on her special day.

-Nicole

Putting it all out there

2009-10-09T10:19:00.000-05:00

I'm overweight. I have been as long as I can remember, but I've never weighed more than I do right now besides when I was pregnant. I think the fact that I've always been overweight made me not notice when I would gain more--sure, I felt fat in high school, but I would be thrilled to weigh now what I weighed then. After all, losing 40 pounds is a heck of a lot less daunting than losing 80. The fact is, I let it get away from me even though I think I've always thought that I could and would change. So why haven't I?

While I was pregnant and couldn't try to lose weight, I came up with a goal for myself. I turned 28 this summer, so the big three-oh is looming just around the corner and I want to be at my ideal weight by the time I reach that milestone. It's over a year and a half away, so it seems doable, but I have a LONG way to go. I need to lose 80 pounds to reach my ideal weight range, which sounds impossible! But I plan to take it 5 pounds at a time. A friend of mine who had a lot of success in weight loss recommended rewarding both small and large goals and that's what I plan to do!

I think putting this all in writing for the world (and by that I mean my 4 faithful blog readers) to see is my first step towards success. I think the reason I've generally failed to stay motivated is that I treat weight like money and politics--not pleasant or polite to talk about. But knowing that other people know that I'm trying will force me to get results so that I'll have something positive to report!

I've subscribed to Weight Watchers Online and it's my goal to log my food each day and stay within my daily points. Exercise is kind of tricky because now that I'm working and have Lucie, I don't have time for trips to the gym. But, I can walk with Lucie on days that it is nice enough to do so and I can do my workout DVDs in the comfort of my own home!

So here I go. Wish me luck!

3 months

2009-10-06T08:32:00.002-05:00

This was supposed to go up yesterday, but we had technical difficulties. Happy Belated Birthday, Lu!

The second half of the slideshow has cute pictures taken by her Auntie Adrienne this past weekend. We had fun dressing Lucie up and doing a photo shoot, and Lucie had fun too (for about the first 5 minutes)! Thanks for your patience, Adrienne. :)

Lucinda is 3 Months old from Matt Kennedy on Vimeo.

Poop happens

2009-09-05T10:45:00.005-05:00

"I'm naked because Mom had to strip me down and clean me up after a poop mishap in HER bed this morning! Oopsie Poopsie!"

Two Months

2009-09-05T00:00:00.001-05:00

?Difacil o Facil?

2009-08-14T21:27:00.005-05:00

You know those Geico caveman commercials? Forget the ill-fated sitcom about the cavemen, I'm talking about the commercials. For years they've made me literally laugh out loud. Somehow the joke doesn't get old as the commercials stay fresh and funny. Granted, its humor better suited for 30seconds rather than 30 minutes. We've been watching a lot of TV these days since Lucie arrived on the scene (as you can imagine, its been a little more difficult to get out with an infant around). There are a lot of crappy TV shows out there, but the Geico commercials make TV worthwhile.

Any honest parent will tell you that having a baby is hard. Everyday we come up with new questions and new mini-disasters befall us. Baby poops through her diaper, baby screams for three hours straight, baby wakes up every hour all night long... sometimes it seems like we don't have a clue what we're doing. Advice both solicited and not seems mostly ineffective. We scour our multiple books and scroll through endless websites for solutions but get muddled information and conflicting answers. There is a billion dollar industry that exists to convince you that to be a good parent you need to use certain gadgets to raise an intelligent and happy baby. There are also dozens if not hundreds of different "schools" of parenting that one must discern: ranging from "hippy-happy" granola parenting to authoritarian discipline and everything in between. Its enough to make your head spin. I start to wonder when I'll get the "bad parent" stamp on my hand.

But then I take a deep breath and remember that the human species has managed to perpetuate itself for thousands of years. Our ancestors didn't have all the newest baby gear nor were they schooled in scientific methods for raising children. Albert Einstein didn't have "Baby Einstien" products to nurture his infant brain. The reality is that we probably know very little about how to really raise our kids most effectively, but it still gets done. Its been done for millenia. I probably won't screw up too bad. Parenting, so easy a caveman can do it.

One month

2009-08-05T21:33:00.002-05:00

EDIT: Oops, the videos were accidentally set to private. They should work now. :)

Lucie is one month old today. I feel like we've experienced so much already. We probably should have been taking more pictures, but for what its worth, here is a montage of her first month so far.

Also, the other day Nicole shot video of Lucie that shows off her athleticism.

One Week Birthday

2009-07-12T21:28:00.003-05:00

Dear Lucie,

You're 1 week old today! We've learned so much about you this week. You've given us a hard time with sleep, until last night when you slept like a champ! We all felt so well rested that we took you to church this morning.

Other adventures have included your first pediatrician visit, a stroll around the neighborhood, a couple of baths, and a trip to a store. You've been a busy girl!

We love you!

Lucie on TV

2009-07-07T16:35:00.002-05:00

A short little video we took of Lucie this morning. She's doing what she does best: being adorable.

I Love Lucie

2009-07-05T16:52:00.004-05:00

Say hello to the newest member of our family: Lucinda Hope Gustafson Kennedy.

Early yesterday morning I left for work at the farmer's market, and just an hour later I recieved a phone call from Nicole letting me know that contractions had started. I rushed home, but as the day wore on it seemed to be a "false alarm". We went to bed last night around 11pm or so, and contractions started again. About 2:30am I awoke startled when Nicole announced her water had broken. I lept out of bed and nearly tripped over myself as we gathered our things for the hospital. Contractions began to come very quickly. The thought began to cross both our minds that we might not make it to the hospital. Fortunately, with great concentration we were able to make it down the three flights of stairs in our building and to labor and delivery at Swedish Covenant Hospital in time. Nicole only labored a couple more hours, and we were very surprised when with just one big push little Lucie nearly shot right out! Our midwife wasn't even ready yet to catch her!

We're glad to say that delivery went fine and that both mother and baby appear to be in good condition. Lucinda is 9lbs 7ozs with long black hair. The three of us have spent the day resting and recouperating from all the excitement.

We know many people have been thinking of us and praying for us. We're grateful for all the love and encouragement, and giving thanks to God for this new little blessing.

Getting tech ready

2009-07-02T23:25:00.002-05:00

The baby countdown is on! I'm technically on maternity leave now (although if she hasn't arrived during the weekend and I'm not in labor, I'm going to go in to work next week--it makes me crazy to sit and wait!). Being the internet addicts that we are, we are hoping the rumors of wifi at the hospital are true so that Matt can send updates via this blog while we are there. But we have a back up plan in case of a lack of internet: I added Matt's Twitter updates to the side bar on the right so that he can update from his phone if nothing else. So hopefully we'll be online one way or another. We know at least the grandparents and maybe a few other interested parties will appreciate it!

The things you learn at TJ's

2009-06-22T11:43:00.003-05:00

It is getting HOT. I am not a happy camper in this humid, high 80's weather (with 90's looming in the forecast for the next couple of days). So when we did a big grocery shopping trip this weekend, I gravitated towards mostly cold and refreshing items, or things that wouldn't take long to cook. And after abstaining from "adult" beverages for many months, I picked up a Pinot Grigio at Trader Joe's for Matt and I to share after the baby is born. When I told the guy who was bagging our groceries that I was excited about enjoying a cool and refreshing wine in a couple weeks, he shared a great tip! He said a great way to keep your wine cold on a hot day is to keep some frozen grapes on hand and to put them in the glass with your wine. It's like having ice cubes that won't water down your drink, and you'll have some icy fruit to eat when your glass is empty! It also sounds really cute. Thanks, TJ's guy!

UPDATE:

Speaking of refreshing, I should share a recipe I love for a great summer salad. I like it because it's very easy and it can keep in the fridge for a couple days. I know lots of people make variations on this, but this is how I learned to make it:

Black Bean and Corn Salad

The salad:
1 can black beans, rinsed
1.5 cups frozen sweet corn
1.5 cups peeled and chopped cucumber
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro (or to taste)

The dressing:
.5 cup lime or lemon juice (and some of the zest, if you prefer)
.5 cup vegetable or canola oil
1 tsp cumin
4 teaspoons sugar (or to taste--I prefer a sweet dressing, and the lime in the dressing is quite tart)
Salt to taste

Whisk the dressing ingredients together in a bowl or shake in a bottle. Toss enough of the dressing with the salad ingredients in a large bowl to coat and flavor the salad. You may not use the whole cup of dressing, but you can save it for use on another salad if you have some left.

I had this salad with a hot dog and some tortilla chips last night, and I'm going to eat some with an egg salad sandwich for lunch in just a few minutes! Yum!

A third of the season played, half the games won.

2009-06-12T10:23:00.003-05:00

It was getting pretty ugly for a while. The month of May was not kind to the Seattle Mariners as their offense got even worse and they dropped from first to third in the AL West. Adrienne Beltre continued a terrible hitting slump while Griffey's numbers trended downward. Russel Branyan and Ichiro had been the only decent hitters in the line up; the former crushing the ball the latter hitting consistently and more frequently with extra bases. The last time I wrote I argued that Beltre and Jose Lopez would not stay this bad forever, and they've finally seem to "caught fire". Consequentially, Seattle has gone on a nice little tear-- going 10-4 over the last two weeks and winning four series in a row. Conveniently, the Texas rangers have cooled off a little from their hot start and the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim continue to struggle. That means with the Mariners now at .500, they're just 4.5 games back from Texas.

Pitching and defense have been great, you can't ask them to do any better. The team is 21-8 when they score four runs or more. Scoring runs is the trick. Like the Cubs, situational hitting has been dreadful. At one point in May, Seattle was 0-24 with runners in scoring position. Nothing says choke more than a stat like that. Yet, I remain cautiously hopeful if Beltre and Lopez continue to show improvement at the plate. I'd like to see Griffey hit a little more, but his offensive contributions are better than what his batting average would indicate. A better measure of a hitter's contribution is OPS: on base percentage + slugging. So with that in mind, before Griffey went on a mini slump at the end of May, his ability to draw walks and occasionally hit homers and doubles gave him an OPS of around .800-- which is a decent posting for your average major leaguer. Griffey should also get some credit for "smart" at bats. In the rare occasions he's got runners on-base, Griffey is often able to pull the ball down the right side or put it up in the air in the OF to move the runners over. So while I'd like to see him connect with the ball a little better, he's doing okay at contributing to the offense.

It'll be interesting to see what happens with the team as we approach the All-Star break. How close will we have to be to the division leader to keep management from trading away our payroll before the deadline? As soon as it appears that we're falling out of contention, I wouldn't be surprised to see the M's shopping around Erik Beddard and Beltre to some contenders in exchange for some prospects. But for right now, the team is winning and that is the most exciting thing for a baseball fan.

Following Christ

2009-05-31T20:53:00.001-05:00

If you have any knowledge at all of human nature, you know that those who only admire the truth will, when danger appears, become traitors. The admirer is infatuated with the false security of greatness; but if there is any inconvenience or trouble, he pulls back. Admiring the truth, instead of following it, is just as dubious a fire as the fire of erotic love, which at the turn of the hand can be changed into exactly the opposite, to hate, jealousy, and revenge. Christ, however, never asked for admirers, worshipers, or adherents. He consistently spoke of “followers” and “disciples.” -Soren Kierkegaard

The Plot Thickens

2009-05-20T12:26:00.004-05:00

One of the biggest misconceptions about the Bible is the idea that it is a "Book of Rules" or its "Advice for Living". I shudder when I walk into a bookstore and see the "Religion" aisle right next to the "Self-Help" aisle.

The Bible is a story. Its not fiction, but it is a story. Its the story of God's elaborate scheme to save the world. Its the story of how God has and will save you and me. Its a story God invites us to participate in.

There have been many days in my recent life where I feel directionless. As malaise occasionally visits me I think, "what's the point of it all?". The Bible says there is a point to it all. This elaborate scheme to save the world is the point of it all. God has a role for each one of us in the story. This isn't a time to float along and wait for something to happen. This is a time to move the plot along. When I'm bored and directionless its because I've forgotten that each morning is an adventure to see where Jesus is leading us into deeper places of love, truth, compassion, and justice. Each one of us encounters opportunities each day to do something good for the sake of God's creation and God's people. Consider the words of C.S. Lewis,

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.
Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to
ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with,
marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does
not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment
must be of the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between
people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no
superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be real and costly love, with
deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinners--no mere
tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment.
Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object
presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbour, he is holy in
almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat, the glorifier and the
glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden.

I'm feeling a renewed conviction to stop "wasting my time"; to remember that we are on a mission of the utmost importance. The busdriver, the barista, the coworker, the friend, the guy on the corner shouting obscenities-- each one of them is loved by God and each of them like you and I are waiting for the light of God's love to shine in. We need to be saved. We need to be helped.

The Chilly Double-Header

2009-04-29T10:04:00.008-05:00

It was cold in the Cell last night. More than a few times the mercury dipped below 37. The previous night's game had been rained out, and Nicole was unable to join me for Tuesday afternoon, so I spent a good portion of the day down at the ball park by myself and despite the weather and the solitude, it was a fun evening.

I only caught the last 4 innings of Game 1, which ended up being a big disappointment as our replacement fifth starter did an amazing job of holding Chicago to just two hits over eight innings, but the Sox turned those hits into runs and Seattle couldn't put up more than one run to support their pitcher. Griffey hit a deep ball to right center that suffered an ill timed change in the wind--most nights that ball would have been an easy homer, but it bounced off the center field wall and he was stranded at 2nd base with no one behind him to hit him in. It was the kind of game exemplary of Seattle's strengths and weaknesses this season: excellent pitching and defense, not enough hitting through the lineup.

During the brief intermission between games I stood in the front row and watched "King Felix" warm up for what I expected to be another pitchers duel between Hernandez and Sox Ace John Danks. I was joined in the front row by a couple of men who were also taking pictures and admiring the M's pitcher, so I struck up a conversation with them about the Mariners and Felix Hernandez. They were visiting Chicago from Venezuela for some conference, so in my broken Spanish and their broken English we talked about the great Venezuelan players on the Mariners and throughout MLB.

Game two started off with a bang. Ichiro hits a great leadoff single, gets bunted over to 2nd, steals third, and gets hit home by Mike Sweeny's awkward blooper single. Its the way they've been scoring runs all year: speed and luck. With Felix pitching, it could have been enough, but the Mariners bats decided to come alive last night. Yuni Betancourt is an incredibly frustrating player-- he doesn't draw walks, strikes out a lot, hits into a lot of double plays, and plays terrible short-stop these days. He manages to put up a decent batting average, but because he can't play "smart" he doesn't help us win. Thus it was a pleasant surprise in the second inning with two on and a full count he put a fly ball just over the left field fence to tack on three more runs. After that Seattle kept on hitting, scoring five more runs and racking up 19 hits-- more than enough support for Felix who stuck out nine and held the Sox to just four hits. It was good to see some run production from Seattle. First baseman Russell Branyan went 5 for 5 with a couple of doubles. This guy has awesome power, and if he stays healthy and can keep making contact, Seattle will indeed have an offense capable of winning. As I've said many times, Adrian Beltre might be one of the best defensive third basemen in baseball, but he needs to start connecting and hitting with power again. Right now he's batting a paltry .167, and even with a golden glove, that won't cut it. Eventually folks like Endy Chavez are going to come back to earth after an uncharacteristic hot start, it would be a huge help to the team if Beltre starts hitting around that time. I like that Wlad Balentien is hitting well and Wakamatsu would be wise to keep platooning him against lefties for Griffey and Gutierrez.

For the second half of the last game I sat in front of a family visiting from Seattle. We enjoyed talking together about classic Seattle baseball and how exciting it was to have Jr. back. Though they were there to root for the Mariners, one of the girls had a big sign declaring her crush on Sox bench coach (and former Mariner) Joey Cora.

So the big question a lot of people are still asking, is this Seattle team legit? We're now nearly done with a month of baseball and they remain on top of AL west. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are in shambles right now with half their rotation and Vlad Guerrero on the DL, and Texas and Oakland are quite beatable. The circumstances are right for the Mariners to stay in contention. They've lucked out a little and they've won some games with "small ball", but the hitting will still need to improve in order to stay on top of the division. Manager Don Wakamatsu has Seattle bunting more often than any other team in the AL; and its worked so far, but the rate of return on continuing that strategy is declinging. If all you can do is bunt, then all the oposition has to do is play the infield in. Unless you can legitimately threaten with actual hits, Seattle will keep losing a lot of 2-1/1-0 ball games. If Branyan keeps hitting well, Griffey/Sweeny don't implode, and Beltre finally starts producing, it will not be hard to run away with the division.

Christ the Lord is Risen Today

2009-04-12T23:58:00.007-05:00

What a celebration! Church this morning was so beautiful. The bells, the choir, the brass, the tulips, the lilies, the tapestries, the butterflies--all to praise our risen Lord. I've always wanted to take some pictures in the sanctuary at North Park Covenant, and I though this would be a good opportunity.

The kids had a quick Easter Egg Hunt on the platform!

The choir sang the Hallelujah Chorus and invited the congregation to come to the front and join in
Multicolored butterflies were a new addition this year

Jesus lives, and so shall I. Death! thy sting is gone forever!

Resurrection

2009-04-12T00:09:00.001-05:00

I believe the Easter story not because I can prove it, but because I need it to make sense of everything else. A Poem:

Make no mistake: if He rose at all
it was as His body;
if the cells’ dissolution did not reverse, the molecules
reknit, the amino acids rekindle,
the Church will fall.
It was not as the flowers,
each soft Spring recurrent;
it was not as His Spirit in the mouths and fuddled
eyes of the eleven apostles;
it was as His flesh: ours.
The same hinged thumbs and toes,
the same valved heart
that–pierced–died, withered, paused, and then
regathered out of enduring Might
new strength to enclose.
Let us not mock God with metaphor,
analogy, sidestepping, transcendence;
making of the event a parable, a sign painted in the
faded credulity of earlier ages:
let us walk through the door.
The stone is rolled back, not papier-mâché,
not a stone in a story,
but the vast rock of materiality that in the slow
grinding of time will eclipse for each of us
the wide light of day.
And if we will have an angel at the tomb,
make it a real angel,
weighty with Max Planck’s quanta, vivid with hair,
opaque in the dawn light, robed in real linen
spun on a definite loom.
Let us not seek to make it less monstrous,
for our own convenience, our own sense of beauty,
lest, awakened in one unthinkable hour, we are
embarrassed by the miracle,
and crushed by remonstrance.
-John Updike, Seven Stanzas for Easter

Its Finally Here...

2009-04-06T12:42:00.004-05:00

...opening day. It snowed here in Chicago last night and its a brisk 33 degrees today. Not really spring weather, but that's okay. Opening day is here. Much to Nicole's annoyance, from here on out I'll be spending a lot more time watching MLB Gameday on the computer, listening to WGN on the radio, and commandeering the remote for Baseball Tonight.

Most of us Seattle fans were duped last year when the 2007 Mariners managed to win 88 games and come in 2nd in our division, we thought the addition of Eric Bedard to the starting pitching would put us in contention for for the AL West title. Instead, we got an injury plagued pitching and a total offensive implosion which resulted in 101 losses, the second worst in baseball. This was a scenario worse than dead last, because this year's draft includes the most important prospect in decades: San Diego State's pitching phenom Stephen Strausburg. The guy has a 101 mph fastball and a wicked slider. He once struck out 23 batters in a game. I wouldn't be surprised if this summer he wasn't some team's number three or four starter. The Washington Nationals will have the first shot at him, but had we lost just two more games he could have been ours! We'll see what happens around midseason.

But what about this year? With a new GM and field manager has Seattle put together a better team than last years? Absolutely.

First off, defense: The acquisition of OFs Franklin Guitierez and Endy Chavez combined with Ichiro in right field means we have one of the best defensive outfields in MLB. Our number 4 and 5 starters Jarrod Washburn and Ryan Rowland-Smith are fly-ball pitchers. This outfield will help them win games that last year's outfield could not. There are still big defensive holes in the middle infield, particularly with Yunieski Betancourt at shortstop, but with Ronnie Cedeno as a legitimate starter on the bench it could put some pressure on Betancourt to either sharpen up his game or ride some pine. Last year Tampa Bay proved that defense and speed can get you to the World Series (of course, a big offensive year from Evan Longoria didn't hurt either).

Some Seattle fans are concerned that without power hitters in the outfield that this team won't be able to score runs, but I think subtle offensive upgrades we've made combined with some more speed on the basepaths from Guitierez and Chavez will keep this team competitive. I'd like to think we've made a big upgrade at first base this year by picking up Russ Branyan from Milwaukee. Because he couldn't get playing time from Prince Fielder the last couple of years, he doesn't have a lot of career numbers to brag about, but he hit a lot of homers this spring and almost anyone would be an upgrade Richie Sexson. Manager Don Wakumatsu has been working on playing "small ball" this spring. Kenji Johima is unlikely to be as bad as he was last year. Sure we'll miss Raul Ibanez's RBIs, but Griffey is likely to be a power upgrade over Jose Vidro in the DH spot and if Jose Lopez continues to improve his power and contact, this line-up could certainly produce runs.

If Eric Bedard stays healthy, the Mariners will have that 1-2 punch in their starting rotation that we hoped for last year. Felix Hernandez has shown flashes of brilliance in his young career, and we should hope that he continues to improve. I remember one game in particular last season when he struck out the heart of the Tiger's line up on 9 pitches. He's got the stuff to be a Cy Young winner. Carlos Silva was absolutely dreadful last year and did not look good this spring. One of the bright spots of last year was seeing the young Brandon Morrow get stretched out from the bullpen to become a starter. In his starting debut he 1-hit the Yankees through 6 innings, and I was glad to see another great starting pitcher in our rotation. Unfortunately, Morrow has type-1 diabetes and the stamina demands of starting has forced him to return to the bullpen. Morrow will be a great closer, but we are more in need of a great starter in the back half of the rotation. Aside from Morrow the bullpen doesn't have any superstar relievers, but they can all throw hard and there is plenty of competent relief arms in Tacoma to call up as the season goes on.

Finally, the bench has been greatly improved and that means more than some people might think. After cutting a bunch of the dead weight from last years team, the Mariners were basically sending a AAA team out on the field night after night to get slaughtered. GM Jack Zduriencik deserves kudos for cutting $20million out of the budget but building a team with better depth than last years. Cedeno can plug any holes in our infield, Chris Shelton would be a fine option at 1st base if Branyan is injured, and if Mike Sweeny isn't washed up he could serve as a fine pinch hitter.

The AL west might be a toss up again this year. I don't know anyone picking the Mariners to run away with it, the Angels are certainly still the favorites, but if all the pieces fall together we could see Seattle and Oakland contending late into the season. If at mid-season we aren't in second place, expect management to unload some of our best talent in their final year of contract (Beltre and Beddard) and watch the team fall to 3rd or 4th.

=====================

In the NL central I think the Cubs are destined to dominate again this year. They might have been the best club in baseball last year, and they're almost certainly better this year with the addition of Milton Bradley. Defense is the Cubs only weakness. The can score runs in all kinds of ways, and they have an excellent rotation. Carlos Marmol will be as good a closer as Kerry Wood was. The trick is not choking in the first round of the playoffs three years in a row. You might be getting tired of hearing it, but this is the year. The Brewers are a fun team to watch, I hope they can win the Wild Card again this year. Then again, Albert Pujols and the Cards could always come up with some surprises too.

The AL Central is another "toss-up". Of course I like the Twins, but if Joe Mauer doesn't get healthy and stay healthy they could struggle to keep up with Cleaveland. The White Sox squeeked it out last year, but its hard to imagine lightening striking twice for a team that doesn't look any better on paper.

I was thrilled last season when Tampa Bay finally pushed past the Yankees and Red Sox in the AL East--especially when you consider the Rays have the second lowest payroll in baseball and the NE teams have the two biggest! Rooting for the Rays again this year, though most people are picking the Yankees barring a meltdown from A-Rod after his offseason from hell.

Aside from that I got the Mets in the NL East and the Dodgers in the West. Even though last year was a miserable season to be a Seattle sports fan, the level of parity in baseball last year and this year makes for some excitement as "dark horse" teams keep just keep us guessing. As the saying goes, every team starts the season in first place.

The Album as a Work of Art

2009-03-24T10:07:00.005-05:00

Is "shuffle" hurting popular music? Much has been written about what digital music is doing to the entertainment industry. I can only write from personal experience, but about 3 years ago I got my first MP3 player and its probably no coincidence that about three years ago I stopped buying as many albums. I bought lots of various singles and have been introduced to lots of new artists by having easy access to digital music, but in the end I must admit I probably listen to less music now that I have an iPod than I did when I had a boom box and a giant stack of CDs.

Like I said, the easy access to digital music has helped me find some new artists, so I won't sit here and totally disparage what MP3s have done for music. But the playlist shuffle mentality has prevented me from appreciating new music too. For instance, when I first heard U2's new single "Get on Your Boots", I was pretty unimpressed and speculated that the album would be a disappointment. Fortunately, I decided to purchase the album anyway when I found a great sale at Amazon. After listening to the whole album I found that there were a lot of good songs that I probably would not hear on the radio. Without committing to listening to a whole album, some musical treasures might slip by me. The upside is that I've got plenty of "Greatest Hits" CDs that I bought only for a handful of songs, but now with MP3s I can buy singles of certain songs I like without wasting my money on alleged "Hits".

A second thing I miss about CDs is the "tactile" experience of holding a piece of music in your hands! When you want to find something to listen to, its fun to look through all the album artwork and do the preparation of carefully removing the CD from the case so as not to break those stupid little plastic tabs. Listening to a CD was an event. The ease of the MP3 infinite playlist makes music more "background noise" than an event. Finally, an album has a structure to it. Songs might not sound so good listened to by themselves, but as part of a larger movement of music they can mean more and be more enjoyable.

Last month BMG music service announced they were going out of business. For years I, like so many others before me, signed up and then cancelled a BMG subscription to take advantage of the "Buy 1 CD get 13 more for 1 cent each!" deal. In college we used to do "Top 5" lists inspired by the John Cusack movie High Fidelity. In honor of BMG and the dying art of the "Album", I thought I'd count off some of my all time favorite albums. Ranking them is a difficult thing to do, so I'll start off with my three "Desert Island Discs" (the CDs you'd have with you if you were stuck on a desert island) and then round out the list of 25 from there.

Desert Island Discs in no particular order:
Achtung Baby- U2
Moondance- Van Morrison
El Corazon- Steve Earle

The Rest of the List:
4. Car Wheels on a Gravel Road- Lucinda Williams
5. White Blood Cells- The White Stripes
6. Blood on the Tracks- Bob Dylan
7. The Joshua Tree- U2
8. Odelay- Beck
9. Unchained- Johnny Cash
10. Wrecking Ball- Emmy Lou Harris
11. All that You Can't Leave Behind- U2
12. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill- Lauryn Hill
13. Cold Roses- Ryan Adams and the Cardinals
14. IV- Led Zeppelin
15. What's Going On?- Marvin Gay
16. Soul to Soul- Stevie Ray Vaughn
15. Old Crow Medicine Show- O.C.M.S.
17. Time out of Mind- Bob Dylan
18. Transcendental Blues- Steve Earle
19. New Favorite- Allison Kraus and Union Station
20. War- U2
21. Songs in the Key of Life- Stevie Wonder
22. Elephant- The White Stripes
23. The Waiting- The Waiting
24. Harvest- Neil Young
25. Riding With the King- Eric Clapton and B.B. King

Of course, this list is simply a static picture of what is a more dynamic affair of music appreciation. While its a stab at an "all-time" list, a list made a month ago or a list made 6 months from now might look a little different. It should also be said that this list more reflects a time in my life before MP3s, so newer artists are under represented. And finally, one should not mistake the placement of a certain album on this list as an overall ranking of an artist. While someone may not have an album in the top 25, their overall body of work might put them in my top 10 favorite artists (e.g. Rolling Stones, Tom Petty, Buddy Guy, etc.). Or take Lauryn Hill for example, who made one masterpiece of a CD but has not done hardly anything notable since.

Best Job in the World

2009-02-23T19:51:00.004-06:00

My cousin Heidi submitted a video application for the Best Job in the World. Please follow the link below to view her video and rate it!

http://www.islandreefjob.com/#/applicants/watch/MKskCdWvo00

Girl Power!

2009-02-21T11:04:00.004-06:00

We had a really great day yesterday! We had our appointment for my 20 week ultrasound, and given our history with Evie, I got a little more than the routine treatment. I saw 3 specialists for about a half hour each: 1 to do the routine ultrasound, 1 who looked only at the structure of the heart, and 1 who looked at all the other organs and bones and such. All in all my belly was abused for about an hour and a half! But it was so fun. One of the very first things we found out was that it's a GIRL! And the best thing we found out is that she seems to be in great health. They can't see everything on the ultrasound, but they can see a lot--including most of our concerns about the heart. Everything is in its right place and appears to be the right size. Thanks to everyone who prayed for us and encouraged us! We feel so lucky.

Interesting coincidence--I knew that the person who would be looking at the heart would be a cardiologist from Children's Memorial, but I imagined the chance of it being someone we knew would be slim because they have nearly 20 cardiologists on staff and we only met with 3. It just happened to be that the cardiologist who came to do my ultrasound was a Dr. we met on the very first day that Evie was admitted to Children's. She did Evie's echocardiogram on that day, but that was the only time we met her. She still remembered me and Evie even though it has been over a year! Such good people.

I feel that while I'm being honest about my joy I should also be honest about my grief. I found that when we discovered that the heart was in great shape I was so relieved, but then also heartbroken all over again that Evie didn't get to have the same fortune. I wish our 2 daughters could have had the same opportunities. Matt and I have seen a therapist periodically since Evie's death and we have talked extensively about future children. One thing he's always noted is that with the joy of seeing milestones in our children's lives, grief will also come. I didn't take that to heart until yesterday and now I can see what he means. While I feel like I have gotten a great gift, I also am bound to remember that Evie got cheated out of the gifts of health and life.

With that said, we are THRILLED! So happy that we got a good health report, and also that pigtails and dresses are in our near future. :) Poor Matt will be outnumbered in his own home!

The Kid

2009-02-21T09:25:00.004-06:00

If I remember right, the very first baseball game I ever went to was when my grandpa took me to see the Bellingham Mariners. They were a single-A farm team for Seattle. I don't remember much of what happened at that game. We sat on the steel bleachers eating peanuts and my grandpa spent the game explaining to me what was happening and how the game was played, but he also talked a lot about this "Kid" that had been playing outfield for Bellingham earlier in the spring. He said this 18 year old right out of high school was dominating on the field and in the batters box. He said, "He'll be in the Major leagues soon, and he's going to be a superstar". Grandpa was right and for the next ten years all the baseball fans in Seattle and across the country were thrilled by a Kid who seemed destined for the Hall of Fame. Needless to say, the announcement that Ken Griffey Jr. will return to the Mariners this season has made me giddy as a school boy again!

No one will argue that Griffey has enviable career numbers, though his tenure in Cincinnati was less productive--certainly due to the significant injuries that hampered his performance. Some will look at the decline in his statistical production and consider his age (39) and say that signing with Seattle is a dumb move-- that he's going to decline even further and it'll rob playing time of younger up and coming players. While that's very possible, I'd argue that there's a good chance he can provide a good contribution to the team this year.

With the departure of Raul Ibanez, the team needs some power hitting in the middle of the line up. Of course, last year Jr. only hit 18 homers slugging a moderate .424 (which might not be Hall of Fame power, but only three hitters on the M's last year did better), and considering the standard decline of power hitters, that could be discouraging. On the other hand, we've come to learn that he had been playing with some discomfort in his knee again and that it has been rehabilitated in the off season. A lot of your musclebound power hitters (and juicers) use upper body strength to smash the ball, but Griffey has always relied on what we call "the sweet swing", and that starts in the legs. With a healthy knee, we can probably count on better HR production. It was only two years ago when he hit 30 homers. It'll also help to be playing in Safeco, where a short right field fence lends itself well to a lefty who can pull the ball. Also to consider is that where Griffey struggles the most is against lefty pitchers (he only hit .202 last year against LHP)-- his line against RHP is much better. If we can effectively platoon him in the DH/LF positions, you can expect his numbers to be better. The Cubs were able to do this effectively last year with Jim Edmonds (another aging former star). After a miserable start with the Padres (hitting .178) he was let go, but then the Cubs picked him up and Lou Pinnella played him against righties and Edmonds slugged .521 against them. Sometimes these old guys pull together one last big season late in their career, lets not assume Griffey can't do the same. Its unlikely to be an All-Star caliber season, maybe he'll hit a .270/.360/.460 line with 20 dingers; which is decent enough in its own right and when you consider the kind of hitters we put out there last year (Vidro, Sexson, Cairo, Wlad Balenetein)-- Griffey will at the very least be a wash, most likely an upgrade.

What about defense? Can he play the outfield anymore? Its obvious age and injury has taken a toll on his legs, so many people prefer to see Griffey solely in the DH role. I might argue that "range" isn't everything when it comes to playing outfield. Griffey didn't hit real great for the White Sox last year, but surprisingly one great play in the outfield helped the Sox squeak into the playoffs. With a 1-0 lead in the one game playoff against the Twins, Griffey threw a strike to A.J. Pierzinksi from the outfield to stop a third base runner from tagging up and scoring at home. All that to say, throwing accuracy should count for something in the outfield inspite of limited range. We have Endy Chavez slated to play LF right now. He's allegedly an amazing defender but a pretty mediocre hitter. The M's would do well to utilize him in late-inning substitutions on any day that Griffey plays OF. Griffey won't be terrible in the outfield, but the risk of injury says he should stick to DH as much as possible.

Finally, there are the "intangibles" of having Griffey back in Seattle. 2009 is a rebuilding year, we've got a lot of new young players to develop. Griffey has experience and leadership. He's a positive presence in the clubhouse. Younger players will benefit from his mentorship. Its also no secret there was a lot of discord in the clubhouse last year. Griffey is an affable and sensible player. His presence might help smooth things out a bit so focus can be put back on winning games and less on passing blame.

So the Kid might be a bit of an old man now, but after a miserable year of Seattle sports (the M's losing 101 games, the Seahawks settling at the bottom of the NFC west, the disappearance of the Sonics from the face of the earth), Griffey is a breath of fresh air. One of the greatest athletes to play in the city from one of the most exciting eras of sports in the city. Welcome back, #24.

Last Minute Gifts!

2009-02-13T11:52:00.003-06:00

Hey folks, I'm going to do a quick plug for an organization I'm doing some work for this weekend: Urban Meadows is a non-profit florist that employs people who suffer from mental illness. Not only does it help individuals with new job skills, but its also a work environment that is therapeutic for them. Their shop is in the loop, but they deliver to most of Chicagoland.

Most people I know are shying away from Valentines Day extravagances this year, but if you are going to send flowers to someone in Chicagoland--support a good organization instead of the fat-cats at the big chain florists.

Joe Buck Sucks

2009-02-09T11:56:00.002-06:00

Some of you know of my intense... err, uh... "dislike" of Bob Costas. For as long as I remember he's come across as a pompous, arrogant, and somewhat insipid sports commentator. Then HBO gave him his own freaking show. I just didn't get it.

In more recent years my ~~hatred~~ dislike of Costas has waned a little. This is mostly due to the fact that I have a newer sportscaster to loathe: Joe Buck. Listen to Buck's voice when he calls baseball playoff games. He seems bored out of his mind. As he makes commentary on various football games, I often find myself wondering if we're watching the same game? Then there was this little gem from a year ago:

One of the most amazing plays in Superbowl history, and Joe Buck seems more occupied watching the grass grow. Basically, he's a terrible sportscaster. And he's terribly boring. .

Recession-nomics: Part II

2009-02-07T19:59:00.003-06:00

You can read more in depth analysis below, but this provides a good visual in regards to the mess we find ourselves in:

The Balance Sheet

2009-02-06T12:51:00.005-06:00

In case you hadn't heard, our economy is bad. I'm not an economist, I'm a pastor. I'm not very good at math, but I do have (some) common sense. As a pastor I should (ideally) have some insight into our spiritual condition. With that in mind, I thought I'd throw out a few humble observations I'm making about our economy these days.

First off: how bad is it? This morning we learned that the "official" unemployment rate is now 7.6%. I use scare quotes here because I understand that unemployment is actually worse than that. If you look at the Bureau of Labor statistics there are more than 7.6% who are looking for a job; you have the folks who've been so unsuccessful at finding a job we just stopped counting them (called "discouraged workers") and you have the folks who work part-time but still don't have sufficient income to live on (called "marginally attached workers"). Those numbers put unemployment much closer to 14%-- almost double the "official" numbers you probably saw on the news today. I know this is the case, because I'm one of the other 6.3%. I have a little part time work and some odd jobs to help out, but on our income we can contribute near zero to our savings and I've even been forced to defer my student loan payments for the time being. Times are tough.

Why? The housing crisis was a big reason. The value of our houses was artificially inflated, and we borrowed against it to buy stuff. We were told that real estate is a great investment, that the value of your house will nearly always climb. Here's where my common sense kicked in-- is it really possible for home prices to always keep going up? What happens when all the people who can afford a house have one? What happens when all those new condos and developements get finished and there are more of them than people with the income for mortgage payments (see above)? Our resources are not limitless. It was a lie we chose to believe. Now we're paying the price... not in a deflated home value. But in jobs.

Here's where else my common sense took me: where do we work anymore? What does our post-industrial economy produce? A small fraction of us make food, most of it is imported. Most of our goods are imported too, produced in squalid conditions for low wages. Most of us who work don't actually create or produce things-- we just kind of shuffle them around and skim a little off the top for our selves. Isn't that what the stock market is? Isn't that what retail and consumerism does? The job sectors that are hurting the most are manufacturing. Again, we've believed a lie that our goods and materials are limitless. You can't get something from nothing, and not everyone can become rich at the expense of a smaller labor force working for less.

These are the reasons I feel some complusion to speak about the economy. This is a spiritual problem. Work is good. Its good for people to have work not simply because of the income (though that's important), but because human beings are designed to have vocation. Without meaningful work to do, we suffer existential angst. That's why I'm much more concerned about unemployment than I am about the stock market. In fact, I'd argue that an obsesion with "growth" in our stock market has adversley affected the employment situation in our country. Take a look at these companies who have never laid off a single worker. Something most of them have in common is that they are privately held--that means when times are good, profits aren't shipped off to investors, but can be reinvested into the workers (cash assets can be set aside in order to make payroll during lean times). The Hebrew Prophets in particular have much to say about how the wealthy should treat their workers. Its time for managers, owners, and wall street to see its labor force not as a liability--but as an integral asset.

But this is not simply a rant against a select few of the wealthiest among us. We all bear personal responsibility for the condition our economy is in. No one has clean hands in this mess. All of us have a responsibility to steward our resources wisely. The debt we've incurred due to our consumeristic lifestyle has hollowed out our economy. Consider this, would we have had the foreclosure crisis if we took a lesson from the Amish? It turns out that the mortgage banker who serves the Amish of Lancaster County, PA has never lost money on a loan to them:

"The Amish live well within their means — no splurging on iPods or HDTVs, no dinners out that they really can't afford... This old-fashioned system works. In this year of financial crisis, of storied old banks collapsing in hours, Hometowne Heritage [the local community bank] has had its best year ever."

The Amish know a thing or two about following the radical gospel of Christ. I'd be surprised if they're wrong on this one.

If we can avoid a total catastrophe of unemployment, perhaps there is a silver lining to this recession. For decades the American savings rate has plundged, to the point of a rate of zero last year. In just the few months since all our idols of mammon started falling, its jumped up to 3.6%. Of course, that makes retailers upset because its less money buying their junk. But in the long run, it might make us a more healthy and sustainable society.

As I said, I'm not an economist, so I can concede there are some of these things are a bit beyond me. I don't know what (if anything) the government can do to help. Some things in the stimulus plan I like, others I don't. But ultimately this is a problem of values: do we understand our place in the world? That our resources are NOT limitless? Do we consider that the health and welfare of our neighbor is directly related to our own health and welfare?

What does all that look like? Maybe Mr. Berry of Kentucky knows.

Oscar Worthy?

2009-01-26T20:19:00.004-06:00

Am i one of the only people who thought, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was incredibly overrated? The whole time I was watching it I thought, "This is very familiar. Where have I seen this before?" I think I just found out.

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump - watch more funny videos

So this gets a best picture nomination but The Dark Knight gets shut out? For shame!

Repentance

2009-01-22T14:36:00.006-06:00

Its one of the most contentious issues in our society, but important things deserve attention even when they are uncomfortable to talk about. Today is the 36th anniversary of the supreme court decision that legalized abortion on demand here in the United States. Nicole and I are proud members of Feminists for Life because we reject violence and exploitation--especially of the most vulnerable members of society. One of the chief tenants of Christian action is solidarity with those who are defenseless. We believe that Jesus Christ came to our defense when we were defenseless to the powers of evil and death, and thus believers are come to the defense of those who are marginalized in our society: the disabled, the sick, the elderly, the minority, the poor, and the unborn. Abortion is a justice issue. I'm not attempting to incite debate in this context. I recognize the nuance of ethics in medicine and how morality is legislated in a pluralistic society. At the very least, we all have participated in a system that has exploited vulnerable people. For that we should repent. But we also should look to the future. I'm grateful for the progress that has been made to open our eyes to this travesty. Consider the testimony of this pro-choice writer Caitlin Flanigan who saw her first child in an ultrasound for the first time and wrote this:

An ultrasound image taken surprisingly early in pregnancy can stop me in my tracks. In it is much more than I want to know about the tiny creature whose destruction we have legalized: a beating heart, a human face, functioning kidneys, two waving hands that seem not too far away from being able to grasp and shake a rattle... The demands pro-life advocates make of pregnant women are modest: All they want is a little bit of time. All they are asking, in a societal climate in which out-of-wedlock pregnancy is without stigma, is that pregnant women give the tiny bodies growing inside of them a few months, until the little creatures are large enough to be on their way, to loving homes.

In the meantime, I pray our blinders will be lifted and all of us who believe would seek to love God's creatures as he has loved us. Lord, have mercy.

Homeboy

2009-01-19T13:15:00.003-06:00

So we spent some 20+ days traveling around Christmas and New Years. Usually, at the end of a trip we get a feeling of dread at the thought of returning home to work and routine. This time was different. Perhaps because we were both sick, we felt a great sense of relief to arrive at our home after the holidays. Still, it was surprising. We moved into a new apartment at the beginning of December. Well, it was new to us. Its actually quite an old building. The wallpaper is peeling in the stairway. There are layers of cheap paint splattered on every surface. It has ugly carpet. Carpentry so shoddy there probably isn't a single right-angle in the whole place. Yet, when we arrived home late last Sunday night--we sighed relief and were glad to be there.

Initially the main appeal of our place was price. We're poor, and the place was cheap. But it didn't take long to find things to like about it. We have more room than we used to; a bigger bedroom, kitchen, and a whole dinning room (which kind of dwarfs our humble kitchen table). Though we live just three blocks from our old place, it is incredibly more quiet. On a clear night I can see the Sears Tower from my bedroom and out the dining room I look down onto a charming little street of houses.

But I think this new appreciation of home goes beyond the physical charms of the place. I'm learning more about what really makes me happy. I think for Nicole and I, its being together. This week, a friend asked me how I was doing considering my struggle to find a ministry call and the financial pressures of this current recession. Though those things do weigh heavily on me, I was still able to say with integrity, "we're doing great". Nicole and I enjoy the simple pleasure of each others company and the great excitement about another baby on the way. These are things that are important to us. Yeah, nice things would be nice and I can't honestly say that I don't feel a little malaise as I struggle to find a job, but we've got a roof over our heads and food in the fridge and reruns and friends and boardgames to keep us entertained. Life is full of challenge, but life is good. We're doing great.

New Year, Big News!

2009-01-13T14:48:00.002-06:00

Matt and I have been travelling from sea to shining sea in the last month (if you consider Lake Superior a sea) visiting many friends and family members for Christmas and New Years. We went to MN for Christmas, drove back to Chicago on 12/30, and flew to WA for New Year’s Eve. We stayed in WA long enough to see our friends Devyn and Ryan get married (congratulations!) and just came home 2 days ago. It was a great break but we are so ready to settle in at home and not fly anywhere for a long time!

We have had pretty sparse internet access over the past few weeks, so one exciting item has gone unreported on our blog. We are expecting a baby! This is great news for us, and we can’t wait until approximately July 7th to welcome a new member of our family. We appreciate your prayers as we wait because the memories of Evie’s problems produce a lot of anxieties for us.

Here’s all the info that you’re surely dying to know! :P

I’m 15 weeks pregnant
I haven’t had any sickness due to pregnancy (though I caught a nasty cold on the tail end of our travels—normally I’d medicate myself with Nyquil and sleep my way through it, but since it’s not allowed I have to endure every disgusting symptom!)
We’ll have an ultrasound a month from now to tell us if we should expect a boy or a girl. We also plan to have a fetal echocardiogram at that time to give us the best image of the heart. I can’t wait to put my anxieties to rest!
My due date is July 7th

Yes, Master

2008-12-13T10:47:00.003-06:00

Last night I was filled with great pride to see my lovely bride receive her Master's degree at the Winter commencement ceremony. It can't be understated how hard Nicole has worked these last 3.5 years. She's juggled full time work, multiple part time jobs, a full load of graduate courses, and a pregnancy--all while putting up with a dufus like me. Her hard work kept us fed, clothed, and sheltered while we pursued graduate education. After going through so much last winter, Nicole committed to press on with her studies and this fall finished her coursework to earn a Master of Non-Profit Administration degree. I'm continually impressed with her diligence and her grace under fire. She is an inspiration to me. Congratulations, Nicole. You've more than earned it.

A Year is a Relative Thing

2008-12-10T18:56:00.008-06:00

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your Presence?
If I ascend into heaven, you are there;
If I make my bed in the grave, you are there;
If I rise on the wings of the morning
or dwell on the farthest reaches of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me
and the night shall be light about me,"
Even the darkness hides nothing from You,
but the night shines as the day;
the darkness and the light are both alike to You.
-Psalm 139

Tonight marks an entire year since the night we held our daughter for the final time as she breathed her last. Easily, the darkest moment of our lives. Its something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. There are times when people pass away, and though sad, it is a holy moment to honor a life well lived. Many other times, premature death shatters all we know to be good and holy. The night Evie died was a night of bitter loneliness. I did not know where God was.

Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do their Spirits rise up to praise you?
Is your love declared in the grave?
Why do you hide your face from me?
You have taken from me...
Darkness is my only companion
-Psalm 88

In the following days, weeks, and months our friends surrounded us with care. They prayed when we could not. I grasped for faith, and occasionally, caught hold of something. Or perhaps, more accurately, someone got a hold of me. My mind still frequently remembers holding her cold body and wondering where God went. Eventually, I learned where God was. Here...

God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself
-2 Corinthians 5.19

Where was God? He was on the cross, befriending my daughter in his death. God the Father, grieving the grief that we know... that he knows. But that is not the final word.

In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through what he suffered... Since children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil—and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. -Hebrews 2.10, 14-5

God knows. God cares. More than that, God saves. The love demonstrated in the death and resurrection of Christ means not only that Evie is not alone, but that she and I and all who belong to him will not stay dead. Death has been swallowed up in Victory! Where, O Death, is your Victory? Where, O Death, is your sting? -I Corinthians 15:55

=======

Still, we miss her so much. The passage of time has healed a lot of wounds, but in some ways its painful to think about how long she's been gone. Grief is a curious thing. It ebbs and flows and shows up in unexpected ways. Today has been a mostly good day. We've spent it together just being with one another and also finding some holiday activities to lift our spirits a little bit.

Studies have shown that couples who lose a child might triple their odds of divorce. There might be a few different reasons for this. For one, the inevitable depression that accompanies the loss can put incredible strain on marriage. The adage might also be true that "hurt people, hurt people". While certainly the pain of losing Evie impacted our relationship, remarkably our love for each other has been an incredible source of strength for the battle. We know we need each other. We're blessed to have each other to carry one another. We're also blessed to have such a wonderful community of people who look out for us and have helped us along this last year: both our biological family, our many church families, and friends from all over. We'll never be able to thank you all enough.

The Second Week of Advent

2008-12-07T13:05:00.007-06:00

For a variety of reasons, I have been in a fairly significant spiritual "desert" place for the last few weeks. Life's circumstances, frustration, and guilt have taken their toll on my soul. As I felt my soul sinking lower and lower, this morning I was graced with the worship of the Church in Advent season. I have been gifted with some hope.

It was a morning where the hand of providence seemed to conspire circumstances that spoke significantly into my darkness. A time when many things come together from the music, the scripture, the sermon, and even the treasurer giving a stewardship report--all these things combined as the Spirit stirred something inside of me. It was something like this: though the checking account is precariously low, though the future is uncertain, and though my past is marked with pain--the dope is that there is still hope. You don't belong to this world and its vision of life, you belong to Jesus and his Kingdom- a place where money doesn't matter, where power doesn't influence, where status is out of style and all belong and are loved. We who are baptized into Christ have died to the old self and now live a new life. I need to live that new life.

The hours we spend on Sunday Morning in worship are a symbol and a sign that we believe the world is not as it should be. We bend ourselves to a breaking point to see the world beyond ours, to see the world through the eyes of Jesus. To look beyond the chaos and the sin and the tragedy and say, "there is meaning in this!" There is something out there beyond us! Trust, believe, and repent... and together we will wait for God.

So this morning was a time for me to hear the message of two prophets, Isaiah who says, "Comfort, O comfort my people, says your God... He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms, and carry them in his bosom, and gently lead the mother sheep," and John the Baptist who cries out for the people to confess their sin, repent, and be baptized. I needed to hear both. To know that God still cares, but also to know that I need to be reborn each and everyday--to put on Christ and live a resurrected life and reject the culture of death that is obsessed with power, status, consumerism, hollow sexuality, and cold hard cash.

Some refreshed hope makes waiting more enjoyable. Happy Advent!

One Year

2008-11-17T10:51:00.005-06:00

She would have been 1 today. I'm not sure what to write. Its a tough day for us, but perhaps not as bad as we feared. Surely, there have been and will be tears; but while our hearts ache I think I can also say that I experience some measure of "peace that passes understanding". I've never been "Pollyannaish" about suffering and redemption, I read the bible too much to believe trite sentiments. Sometimes life really sucks. Still, sometimes grace gives you the strength to suffer today in order to see hope tomorrow. We love her and miss her so much, and today is yet another milestone robbed from us by the enemy. But we honor her short life by continuing to live ours. We spent some time away this weekend, just Nicole and I to be by ourselves and to escape. It was nice. We carry grief in our hearts, but also some joy at the privilige to have known and cared for her. We are also glad for the many kind words shared with us already as we face these painful anniversaries. Happy Birthday, Evie.

Children's Heartlink.

The Present Now Will Later be Past

2008-11-05T08:06:00.008-06:00

Whatever your politics (I don't intend to start or participate in any kind of debate), its an understatement to say that last night was a moment of incredible historic significance. Dylan's much over quoted song remains stubbornly about the only appropriate thing to say, "The times they are-a changing." The stain of America's original sin is not entirely gone, but 400 years later... the cynics are being shown the door. A black man named Barack Hussein Obama beat the Clinton machine in lilly white Iowa, and then went on to be elected to the highest office in the land. He didn't win in a squeaker, he won outright--he won midwestern states, he won in the mountain west, and he's even won in the old south. This morning columnist Thomas Friedman even went so far to say this, "And so it came to pass that on Nov. 4, 2008, shortly after 11 p.m. Eastern time, the American Civil War ended, as a black man — Barack Hussein Obama — won enough electoral votes to become president of the United States."

Rod Dreher notes the poetic symmetry of history in the new American political landscape:

The modern conservative movement began with the crushing defeat of Arizona Sen. Barry Goldwater in the 1964 presidential race. The modern conservative movement ends with the crushing defeat of Arizona Sen. John McCain -- who took Goldwater's Senate seat upon his retirement -- in the 2008 presidential race.

Modern liberalism began its implosion with riots in Chicago's Grant Park at the 1968 Democratic Convention. Tonight, modern liberalism is reborn at Chicago's Grant Park, where a black Chicago Democrat will celebrate winning the presidency.

Whatever your politics, what lies ahead are great challenges. But we can now say for certain that anything is possible. So that's enough politics for now--let's all just take a deep breath. I plan to have a cup of coffee and do some housework. In the meantime, trust that the universe will unfold as it should--under the watch of our creator.

The Man in the Well

2008-10-30T13:47:00.003-05:00

"Faith is not necessarily, or not soon, a resting place. Faith puts you out on a wide river in a little boat, in the fog, in the dark. Even a man of faith knows that we've all got to go through enough to kill us. As a man of faith, I've thought a considerable amount about a friend of mine (imagined, but also real) I call the Man in the Well.

The wooded slopes and hollows hereabouts are strewn with abandoned homesteads, the remains of another kind of world. Most of them by now have no buildings left. Everything about them that would rot has rotted. What you find now in those places when you come upon them are the things that were built of stone: foundations, cellars, chimneys, wells. Sometimes the wells are deep, dug to the bedrock and beyond, and walled with rock laid up without mortar. Those walls, laid underground where there is no freezing and thawing, will last, I guess, almost forever.

Sometimes the well is the only structure remaining, and there will be no visible sign of it. It will be covered with old boards in some stage of decay, green with moss or covered with leaves. It is a perfect trap, and now and then you find that rabbits and groundhogs have blundered in and drowned. A man too could blunder into one.

Imagine a hunter, somebody from a city some distance away, who has a job he doesn't like, and who has come alone out into the country to hunt on a Saturday. It is a beautiful, perfect full day, and the Man feels free. He has left all his constraints and worries and fears behind. Nobody knows where he is. Anybody who wanted to complain or accuse or collect a debt could not find him. The morning that started frosty has grown warm. The sky seems to give its luster to everything in the world. The Man feels strong and fine. His gun lies ready in the crook of his arm, though he really doesn't care whether he finds game or not. He has a sandwich and a candy bar in his coat pocket. And then, not looking where he is going, which is easy enough on such a day, he steps onto the rotten boards that cover one of those old wells, and down he goes.

He disappears suddenly out of the lighted world. He falls so quickly that he doesn't have time even to ask what is happening. He hits water, goes under, comes up, swims, or clings to the wall, inserting his fingers between the rocks. And now, I think, you cannot help imagining the way it would be with him. He looks up and sees how far down he has come. The sky that was so large and reassuring only seconds ago is now just a small blue picture of itself, far away. His first thought is that he is alone, that nobody knows where he is; these two great pleasures that were his freedom have now become his prison, perhaps his tomb. He calls out (for might not somebody chance to be nearby, just as he chanced to fall into the well?) and he hears himself enclosed within the sound of his own calling voice.

How does this story end? Does he save himself? Is he athletic enough, maybe, to get his boots off and climb out, clawing with fingers and toes into the grudging holds between the rocks of the wall? Does he climb up and fall back? Does somebody, in fact, for a wonder, chance to pass nearby and hear him? Does he despair, give up, and drown? Does he, despairing, pray finally the first true prayer of his life?

Listen. There is a light that includes our darkness, a day that shines down even on the clouds. A man of faith believes that the Man in the Well is not lost. He does not believe this easily or without pain, but he believes it. His belief is a kind of knowledge beyond any way of knowing. He believes that the child in the womb is not lost, nor is the man who's work has come to nothing, nor is the old woman forsaken in a nursing home. He believes that those who make their bed in Hell are not lost, or those who dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, or the lame man at Bethesda Pool, or Lazarus in the grave, or those who pray, 'Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani.' Have Mercy."

-Wendell Berry, Jayber Crow

Spoiled

2008-10-27T15:49:00.002-05:00

Louis CK gives some (hilarious) perspective:

Linky Stinky

2008-10-23T10:03:00.004-05:00

Some more things that caught my eye this week...

The story of a really great dog.
A fascinating photography exhibit of some of Chicago's tucked away churches.
Rod Dreher on artistry, honesty, and "Christian movies".
Michael Bird chimes in on Trinitarian debates.
Our friend Becky Eklund recently preached at the executive board meeting of the Covenant church on what it means to be "In it Together".

Good Times

2008-10-22T10:05:00.002-05:00

We’ve had a full but fun weekend here in the Kennedy house. Saturday was a full day at the farmer’s market for the two of us, but Saturday night we had the pleasure to go see one of my newer favorite bluegrass groups at the Riviera: Old Crow Medicine Show.

OCMS put on a great show with high energy alternative-country that mostly classifies as bluegrass but occasionally reaches into Hank Williams kind of blues ballads. OCMS is definitely “old school” string music, but done with a bit of a punk attitude. OCMS’s self titled album is a quality piece of work; excellent musicianship that carries on the deep traditions of mountain music into the 21st century. Folk music of the American south in the 20th century was steeped in faith, populism, local culture, love of place, a sense of both outrage and resignment over the plight of the southern poor, and the metaphors of great journeys and great wanderings . Like Johnny Cash’s “Man in Black”, OCMS sings about solidarity with the disenfranchised in “I Hear them All”. While many of the great country musicians have sun g extensively about battles with drugs and alcohol, OCMS plays the contemporary version of the same battle with songs like “Methamphetamine”, “Tennessee Pusher”, and “Tell it to Me”—exploring the great struggle rural communities face against the scourge of substance abuse. The band played with unprecedented energy, speed, and skill that kept the crowd dancing throughout the evening. OCMS mostly tours the south, so their concert here in Chicago was a special event which brought out fans from all across the Midwest who raucously sang and danced to all the great music. They didn’t sing any louder than when the band played their hit song, "Wagon Wheel"—a song I can listen to over and over and not get tired of. Like some of the best country music, it’s a song about struggle that makes you want to sing loud in with a defiant hope. It makes you want to cry but also makes you want to sing out with joy.

Even though we were out late on Saturday, we decided to get up early on Sunday to head north and spend the day in Wisconsin to see some old friends and take in some brilliant fall foliage. We worshiped with our family at Anchor Covenant Church, and it was good to be among them again. We admired the brilliant colors of autumn in Lake Geneva, took a drive through the country, took a little hike in the Kettle Moraine Forrest, and then sampled some cheeses on the way home—getting home just in time to watch the Seahawks embarrass themselves on Sunday Night Football yet again.

The Plateau

2008-10-17T10:14:00.003-05:00

When a couple breaks up, its said that it takes as long as you were ever with that person to get over that person. If you dated for 6 months, it might take 6 months for you to finally get over them. They also say "time heals all wounds". To compare the loss of a child to a break up is a grotesque comparison (though that's obvious, I'll still elaborate later). What I would like to say is that time does not heal all wounds. Some wounds we will carry all our life. That's a lesson I'm learning as today is now 11 months since Evie was born. Its been much longer that Evie's been gone than we ever knew she existed. In just a few weeks an entire year will have passed. While my journey of grief has come along way (I am no where near the place I was in January or March or even June), in some ways I've found that the sense of healing has plateaued somewhat. In fact, pain and grief now show up in new ways and it stings worse than it has. They are fresh wounds.

So what is happening? How could things steadily get better and then not? I think a few things have happened. The first is a simple phenomenon: I have more free time. This spring I was breaking my back trying to finish incomplete work from the fall on top of a full load of spring coursework in addition to an internship. The "busyness" of life was a suitable distraction from the deep grief inside. Then with my new work this summer, I've still filled many hours with work, but its a different kind of work. Its a lot of time spent alone. Its a lot of hours alone in traffic. Its a lot of "body work", and a lot less "mind work". I now have the time for my mind to wander-- and it wanders back to Children's Memorial Hospital. I relive the frightening experiences in unprecedented detail. Images, sounds, smells, and feelings are as clear as day. Memories of these are not as frightening as they once were, but they still hurt.

There is a second phenomenon that is more unique to the premature death of a child. We mourn not only the past but the future. We will mourn the entirety of what Evie's life should have been. We mourn the those life-markers that will not happen: first steps, first words, first birthdays, first day of school... those are all little deaths that we must mourn in the wake of our great loss. While it doesn't bother me to be around the children of my friends, for some reason when I see a stranger with a child about the same age that Evie would be--it feels like a roundhouse kick to the stomach... and to the heart. We grieve the loss we experienced last year, but we continue to grieve the lifetime of joy stolen from us.

We feel anger, sadness, and a bit of "lostness". Still, I've considered this new phase of grief a necessary stage of the journey. Grief is work. Its work that I may have set aside in my busyness this spring, but like all things there is a time to collect on debts. What I'm realizing as I return to the work of grief is that the payoff might not be what I initially expected. Healing might not look the way I think. What I mean is that I now no longer ever expect to be "fully normal" again in this life. Everything is different. Its not unlike a physical injury. Surgery and therapy might return you to function, but it is still likely you'll continue to walk with a limp. The process of grief has and will continue to return me to functional, but I still live and love "with a limp".

As I have always said, writing about these things is not to fish for sympathy. Its merely that there is something cathartic about talking about it. It feels good to tell our story. Thanks for listening.

Presidential Debates

2008-10-15T15:57:00.003-05:00

I've come upon some exclusive advanced footage of tonight's presidential debate practice round...

Its good to see some civility return to political debate!

A gift of charity

2008-10-08T23:10:00.005-05:00

You might have noticed the poll I put on the right side of this page about charitable contributions as alternatives for Christmas gifts. So far everyone that responded has said they would prefer this type of gift to something material. There are a lot of days left until Christmas, so please vote because I am really curious about what people think! It's anonymous, and even if it wasn't, I wouldn't judge you based on your answer. :)

This idea was introduced to me when I discovered a website a couple of years ago called Buy Nothing Christmas. I like this idea. Think of the people you buy gifts for, your friends and family. For many of them, if you're like me, you struggle to come up with something to give them because they have everything they need and a lot of what they want. Why not give them the gift of a charitable donation in their name to one of their favorite charities? Or something you put a lot of heart and only a little money into, like their favorite cookies or a craft? I haven't done a Christmas like this yet, primarily because I always procrastinate and then I run out of time to be creative. That's when you find me at Target and the mall. And I probably never will do a Christmas when I truly buy nothing, because I absolutely love gift giving, and even if I craft every last gift I would have to buy a lot of supplies. But I really love the idea of giving to a worthy charity at least for a part of a loved one's gift. I know I'll always end up buying things, and I'm sure most people will, but the idea of a "buy-nothing-Christmas" has got me thinking about how I can be more creative and thoughtful with how I give gifts, especially on the day we celebrate Christ's birth. If you have any ideas to share of how you've given gifts that are: 1.creative 2. frugal 3. unique, please share those ideas!

I'll be sharing some posts in the upcoming weeks about some of the charitable organizations that I think are impressive. I'd also love to hear who you like. In the meantime, speaking of charity, this website (WARNING: includes near-nudity) is quite funny if you are familiar with the Product(RED) campaign. Please know that I absolutely don't think there is anything wrong with the Gap or Dell or whoever giving a part of their proceeds to charity. I just like buy(LESS) for their tongue-in-cheek take on it.

Maps

2008-10-02T11:53:00.007-05:00

I've always been fascinated by maps. As a kid, whenever we were on a road trip I would love to trace our route and note the things we might see along the way (I still do this now). Recently I've been following the election polls and examining the "electoral map" of the United States, noting which states turn "blue" or "red" with different public opinion polls (www.fivethirtyeight.com is my favorite site for this). Yet there are things about maps that are deceiving. For instance; on a world map North American and Europe are always at the top? As our planet floats in space is there any real objective way to say that North is up? Yes it could be a matter of aesthetics, but I think it mostly is a product of perspective. We who are wealthy and strong want to see our homes at the top of the map. You might also notice the way that taking a round globe and putting on a flat map distorts some of the preportions of the globe (is Greenland really almost as big as Africa? No, its only about 40% the land mass [see also Australia).

The subjectivity of our perspective can fundamentally alter the way we think. Hard data is not that hard to the human mind. Consider the fears we might have of terrorism, kidnappings, or freak accidents to our apathy about the mundane things that are more likely to prematurely kill us: heart disease, cancer, drunk driving, driving while texting. The odds are astronomically greater that the donuts I had for breakfast is the more likelier cause of my death than gang crossfire. But you wouldn't know it the way we talk about what scares us.

So as we consider the great threats we face in the United States of turmoil in our pocket books as well as geopolitical turmoil, it would do us well to try and get some perspective. Take a look at these maps.

This is our planet as it appears geographically. But look below as the map is altered to reflect what people suffered the greatest casualties of warfare in the 2oth century.

Its not hard to see how Africa, Asia, and the Middle East have suffered the most catastrophic war-time suffering even when you account for the devastation of Europe in WWII. Consider now what the future of global economics might hold...

This is a projection of the distribution of wealth through 2015. Notice that even though India and East Asia project to grow enormously, Europe and the U.S. still maintain a huge portion of wealth-- and Africa remains far behind.

I posit all of this to say, for us in the United States, all the fear we may experience as it relates to financial and national security might be overstated. It might be that the reality of our situation is not that we're "crashing", but that we're coming back down to earth. We've been insulated from so long from the violence and poverty of the rest of the planet that the economic and political troubles of our day feel more threatening than they really are. Don't get me wrong, I know things are tough for a lot of people-- many Americans are suffering the burdens of medical debt, unemployment/underemployment, or fear for a loved one deployed in a war zone. All I suggest is that as the world gets smaller, each of us should expand our outlook to consider not just quality of life here in America--but all over our small world.

Our vacation

2008-10-01T21:33:00.005-05:00

Wow, this blog got kind of pathetic over the last few weeks. I guess I've either been too busy or too lazy to write! The most exciting thing of note to happen in the month of September was our vacation in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with a couple of good friends. It was very refreshing to get away after a really hectic few weeks at work. We were really worried about the weather with it being storm season and all, but it would seem that Chicago ended up getting the storms we were expecting in Cabo. While we were nursing sunburns from all our time enjoying the outdoors, the North Park campus was being flooded! Luckily we came home to a dry basement.

Monday Morning QB

2008-09-08T08:23:00.005-05:00

Football

The Seahawks did not have a good start to the season yesterday, getting blownout by the Bills 34-10. After Shawn Alexander's spectacular meltdown last year, Seattle fans hoped that a new running game would be the final missing piece to a great team. Instead the tandem attack of Julius Jones and Maurice Morris as running backs were pretty unremarkable. But the real challenge was that the passing game floundered with Hasselbeck only completing 17/41. It was bad enough when 2 of our starting receivers were out with injuries, but last year's touchdown leader and key return man Nate Burleson went out with an injury. That means we will possibly go weeks into the season without a single veteran in the receiving corps (the other wideouts yesterday had only four measly receptions between the three of them). The Hawks continue to have the advantage of playing in the threatless NFC west, but an injured Hasselback leading a rookie group of receivers does not look to be a powerful offense. Let's hope that Burleson, Engram, and Branch have quick recoveries... otherwise this season could be the end of our playoff run.

The biggest surprise from yesterday was the Bears upsetting the Colts. The Bears defense finally showed up to play like their reputation should indicate. Rookie RB Matt Forte played excellent, and while Kyle Orton doesn't razzle-dazzle with his quarterbacking, he's competent enough to convert some third downs and keep the offense on the field. For as bad as the Bears played last year and in the preseason, it will be interesting to see if this spark of great football continues and the Bears can actually contend in the NFC north.

Baseball

One of the few highlights of the Mariners season was this weekend's series against the Yankees. Relief pitcher Brandon Morrow was sent down to AAA to get stretched out to become a starter, and his time there wasn't real inspiring. But at his first major league start on Friday night he pitched a one-hitter through 7 2/3rd innings beating the Yankees. The Mariners took two of three from the Yankees and that all but eliminated New York from the post-season. Not too shabby, but my dream of a Bostonless playoff season seems to have slipped away.

The Cubs have been on an awful slide this week losing 7 of their last 8. Its been a team effort with the offense falling asleep (save for Saturday night's 14 run pounding) and the bullpen giving up a lot of runs (the cracks in the relief pitching I noticed at midseason are starting to show more). Last night Kerry Wood gave up a 2-run lead in the ninth, the night before three relievers gave up 6 runs in two innings. The Cubs still have a four game lead in the NL central. I expect the offense will shake this off and could still produce the best team in baseball, but the unreliability of the bullpen will make any playoff opponent a legitimate threat to the Cubs.

Can you guess who I'm voting for?

2008-09-06T20:59:00.003-05:00

Has anyone been watching the conventions? I did, a little. But not much, cause I already know who I'm voting for. I'll give you a couple clues and see if you can guess. Illinois loves him, and he really strikes a chord with the nation's younger voters because, lets face it, he's kind of cool.

Guesses?

That's right, I am proud to say that I'll be voting for Ghettoblaster Lincoln.

Linky Linky

2008-08-28T10:36:00.003-05:00

I haven't had much to write about this week, so I thought I'd share a few things I read that caught my eye in the last few days.

Its hard to stop speculating about a cross-town series this October. Chi-Town would go nuts. It would be awesome.
Fleming Rutledge on "Blind Boys of Alabama and the Living Jesus"
Greg Boyd does a Philosophical review of The Dark Knight.
Baby ducks + Danger + Happy ending = "Awwwwwww..."
I suddenly don't feel so bad about my Bacon-Brat a few weeks ago.

Tonight is the Chicago Covenant Softball League Championship. Tuesday night was the divisional championship and the Seminary team beat Ravenswood Covenant in a dramatic contest that ended in a walk-off seventh inning win. Tonight we take on the surging Sojourner Covenant Church who are this year's Cinderella team. Go Sem Scholars!

Zaccheus' Baconfest '08

2008-08-21T18:17:00.010-05:00

We went camping last weekend near Tomah with some friends from MN and WI. Towards the end of the trip we titled the outing "1st Annual Baconfest" since we had bacon at almost every meal. The most unholy creation was the bacon-wrapped sausage (pictured). And since we were in Wisconsin, of course Matt and I had to stop at a cheese factory on the way home. We hiked, grilled, took a dip in the lake, got a tan, and just hung out. It was really fun!

Southside Baseball, continued

2008-08-21T17:42:00.003-05:00

These are pictures from our baseball outing. Yep, I wore my Twins hat and somehow didn't get killed (just a few jeers)!

Southside Baseball

2008-08-19T09:52:00.002-05:00

Nicole and I went down to the Cell last night for the first of a three game series: Sox vs Mariners. Its the first time all season the M's have been in town, thus my first time this year I've had a chance to see the M's live. As is often the case, Seattle lost badly: 13-5. When the M's played the Cubs last year in interleauge, we saw a number of Seattle fans at Wrigley. Not too many at the Cell last night--no doubt the difference being last year we were only a few games out of first, this year we're one of the worst in the league.

Going into the game I had tempered my expectations. With our season long finished, you need to start watching baseball for other reasons than just winning. I was interested in seeing our call-ups from Tacoma, Jeff Clement and Vlad Balentein, who both have notable power swings but are only batting in the low .200s. Both actually did pretty well tonight with Clement going 3-4 and Vlad ripping a double down the right field line to drive in two. Ichiro did his thang, putting down some blooper singles and running out an infield grounder for a single. Beltre went 0-5, continuing to under-impress us with his offense--but making a great leaping grab to rob Paul Konerko of a screaming line drive. I'm still waiting for Beltre to be the offenseive contribution he has the potential to be-- but the guy can play great 3b. The Mariners racked up 15 hits, but the power and the timing was missing leaving us only scoring 5 runs. The lead changed twice in the game, but pitching and infield defense did not come through for us. Yunieski Betancourt let no less than three easy grounders get by him for hits (Jose Lopez looked a little lame at second base also). At one time Yuni was considered one of the best defensive short stops in the league. I don't think its an overstatement to say that he is now among the worst. And Finally, the suckfest of the night was Jarrod Washburn. After pitching way above his talent level in June and July, he's come back down to earth-- giving up seven hits, two homers, and eight runs in 4 1/3 innings. To be fair, the White Sox havethe AL's best offense in a homer-happy park; but Washburn is still one of the least likeable people in the M's organization for his on-the-field hackery and his consistent shifting of blame to other players. We know now that the Twins had claimed him on waivers late last week, but the deal fell through. Congratulations Twins fans-- you dodged a bullet on that one.

Nicole wore her Twins cap and rooted for the Sox to lose-- but surprisingly she got less crap from the southsiders than I did for wearing my Mariner's cap. Though the AL central has remained tight most of the season, I'm putting my money that the Sox will end up on top. Right now Chicago has twice as big a run differential as Minnesota, and although Minnesota has a solid young team, the White Sox have a well built team that leads the league in home runs and slugging percentage while having a solid pitching staff on the other side of the ball. What is most exciting about the AL Central is that there is a very real possibility that if both the Twins and Sox play well-- and if the Rays continue to dominate the AL East-- for the first time in years we might have playoffs without the Yankees and the Red Sox. While it will pain my Minnesotan friends to hear this, I'm rooting for both the White Sox and the Twins to do well in order to put the overpaid/overhyped teams of the NE out of the playoffs. If both teams play well in these last six weeks, one will win the division and the other has a chance to knock Boston out of the wild card spot.

Things I Notice When Grocery Shopping

2008-08-12T09:05:00.003-05:00

Yesterday at Trader Joe's the woman in front of me in the check out line had a cart that had 5 jars of organic peanut butter, one jar of almond butter, three bags of slivered almonds, one bag of mixed nuts, and a couple of nut granola bars--and that's it. What she was planning to do with those was the question that bugged me all day long.
Ever since I could first eat solid foods, Ramen has been a staple in my life. The problem is that it is packed full of nutrionless calories and ungodly amounts of sodium. Behold a new healthy version of Ramen. My arteries are grateful.
I love hot dogs. Classic, all beef hotdogs done Chicago style. I also do my best to eat and shop ethically (we white people love this stuff.) Its surprisingly difficult to find socially responsible hot dogs to eat. Hebrew National are made by ConAgra foods (an irresponsible corporate monster), Best Kosher are made by Sara Lee (a slightly less evil but still not entirely ethical corporation), and God knows where Ballpark franks come from. Vienna Beef seems to be a quality local independent operation-- but I'm not sure they taste better than the others. What to do?!? Good thing I don't have real problems like other people.

Shut up and Drive!

2008-08-05T09:34:00.004-05:00

Don't text message while driving 80mph the wrong way down a street. Talking on your cell while driving is a bad idea. A study a few years ago indicated that for many drivers talking on a cell phone is as much an impairment as drinking is. I'm quite serious about this for two reasons: (1) I've done it and nearly killed someone (2) I've seen someone killed by it.

Years ago when I lived in Gig Harbor I was leaving work one evening, pulling out of the parking lot with a cell phone to my ear. I was going to make a right turn. I looked right and didn't see anyone, I looked left and watched a few cars pass and then planned to turn right. With my hand and phone up to the side of my face I was not able to see that a bicyclist had appeared to my right and as I pulled out he ran into the side of my car. Had he been a few feet further along I could have ran over him. He was alright and I apologized profusely. A couple months later I greeted a visitor at our church who looked familiar, I asked him where I might know him from and he recounted the story of the time I nearly hit him on his bike. It was quite embarrassing, but luckily he didn't hold it against the church community and became an active member there.

The second story doesn't end so well and I'll warn readers right now this is gruesome, but its a point that needs to be made. The most difficult case I ever encountered at my internship at Lutheran General hospital was an accident that took place on a Sunday afternoon. Walking along Dempster Ave a beautiful young family was enjoying a lovely summer day when a woman lost control of her vehicle while talking on her cell phone. Her car careened up onto the sidewalk hitting all three family members; the father had his leg broken in two places as well as broken ribs, the mother sustained a massive head injury putting her in a coma that resulted with weeks in intensive care, and their only son--a four year old-- was scissored in half (traumatic amputation) by the car and bled to death on the sidewalk. It was the most traumatic event I had ever encountered in my hospital ministry. No one ever deserves to have that happen to them.

Nicole and I have written before about how our experience with Evie reinvigorated our understanding of the fragility and the preciousness of life. I'll admit that occasionally I talk on the cell phone when stuck in traffic, but when you are at the wheel of a 2,000lbs weapon like an automobile, the driving task deserves total concentration. Better yet, pedestrians deserve your total concentration. Children on the sidewalk deserve to live. Shut up and drive.

Decisions and Spiritual Reflections

2008-07-23T03:22:00.005-05:00

Being in seminary was an experience that surprisingly limited the amount of decisions I had to make. Essentially the life of a seminary student is to show up, do what your professors tell you to do, and try and squeeze in a little sleep now and then. Sure, occasionally you had some life decisions to make carefully, but most of the time you're so busy just trying to stay afloat that you don't have time to consider other alternatives.

Now that I'm living a partway normal life again, I feel the pressures of making right and wrong decisions more clearly now. When prayer, reflection, dialogue, study, and critical thinking are part of you're assigned work--you do it. But now that I'm "free" from the watchful guidance of professors and colleagues, I find myself less and less practicing the art of moral discernment. In my day to day decisions, how do I decide what is right and what is wrong?

I've long believed that Christian life in its most basic principle is that God cares for us, thus we should care what God wants of us. It is that principle which shapes every decision of everyday. But this presupposes a couple things: one being that you believe God cares, and two being that you are willing to let your life be led by another--that you're willing to give up your freedom for the one who "took the nature of a slave... humbled... by becoming obedient to the point of death--even death on a cross!" (Phillipians 2.7-8). Christian life means admitting that you don't have all the answers and that you need someone else to show you the way.

For a Christian, the moral life must first and foremost be shaped not only by the example of Jesus--but by seeking to know Jesus intimately by way of prayer, devotion, and participation in Jesus' family (the Church). Here is where I've run into trouble. Without a disciplined life set up for me in the form of the seminary educational experience, I've found that on my own I've fallen out of practice in some of these things. Prayer life is too inconsistent, I've sometimes now gone weeks between times of good devotional reading and reflection, and since being finished with my internship in Lake Geneva its been hard to fully involve myself in the life of my local church--in fact, in two of the last three weeks I've missed Sunday worship for less than good reasons.

Now as I try and live my moral life I think I've been running and operating on some "moral capital" that I've built up in my life--but that my "tanks" are running a bit low without daily disciplines to know and follow Jesus. I still make the best effort to love and respect everyone, I still try and use my money and time as if they were gifts and not something owed to me, I try and live responsibly towards all. Not always successfully, but I make an honest effort a lot of the time. Yet nowadays, as larger decisions loom on the horizon of what direction our lives will go-- I find myself challenged to ask myself what does Jesus really want from me? Is what Jesus wants from me different from what society tells me is right? Is what Jesus wants different even from what my friends and family might think is right? Read the gospels and one finds that the moral commands of Jesus were often unpopular. The rich young man wants to follow Jesus and proudly admits he keeps all the commandments, but when Jesus tells him to sell everything and give all the money to the poor, the young man can't commit. I'm no different. Why should I think that Jesus expects less of me? All around us the world bombards us with admonition to seek out money, sex, and power. Jesus, on the other hand, invites us to seek out love, faithfulness, and service. That's not a good way to sell cars... or make friends.

When Evie was fighting for her life in the hospital, Nicole and I were prepared to sacrifice everything to give her the chance to live. We loved her and were prepared to do what it takes. The loving character of God is the same way, demonstrated in the loving sacrifice of Christ to give us the chance to live. After Evie died, Nicole and I took the break we needed to begin the healing process of grief and we've been consistent in finding ways to try and enjoy ourselves by taking time to recreate and relax--especially this summer. But at what point do we refocus our energy again to the loving sacrifice we were so prepared to make for Evie, this time for our friend Jesus? Have we crossed a line from "self-care" to "self indulgence"? Its not easy to live a good life right now. I've found vices creeping in more steadily. I have a feeling it not unrelated to the fact that my faith is still somewhat weak and that in the wound I felt at the death of Evie, I have not yet fully placed my trust back in my God. It is like a friendship strained-- you still know this friend and still have affection for them, but things just aren't quite the same between the two of you. In some ways I still struggle to know and love God in light of this tragedy. But I am nowhere near ready to give up. I know God has been patient with me. I ought to return the favor.

Our loving God is not some kind of fuddy-duddy from on high who doesn't want humans to have fun or enjoy themselves. God is for abundant life, God is the giver of good gifts. What God expects of us is that we use his good gifts responsibly-- for the good of both ourselves and others, trusting that the creator knows best where lasting joy and satisfaction are. Its a matter of trusting that lasting joy might exist elsewhere besides indulgence in physical and material pleasures or self-oriented human relationships. One only need look around at the abundance of self-destruction that happens among those who achieve all the money, sex, and power they want to see that lasting joy is not found there. If the good life is not found in such things, then perhaps St. Francis was right, "It is in giving that we receive... it is in dying (to self?) that we are born into eternal life".

Its not always a popular thing to talk about morality and there are a lot of self-righteous people out there who have tainted the discussion. These thoughts aren't about passing judgement on another--but rather an acknowledgement that all of us sinners who dare turn to Jesus have both a welcome embrace of his love but also an invitation to live a radical life of virtue. As Luther said of us who dare preach the gospel, "we're just beggars telling other beggars where to find bread."

Nurturing a good life takes practice: spiritual discipline. Creating daily habbits of charity, justice, faithfulness, self-control, and care will form us into the people who can make good decisions both big and small.

Weekend Adventures

2008-07-21T16:15:00.011-05:00

Last night we took a road trip up to Milwaukee to catch a Steve Earle concert. Steve has a mastery of the entire spectrum of Americana music: country, folk, rock, blues, and bluegrass-- so when I found out that this was going to be just a solo acoustic show, I was a little disappointed thinking that the scope of material would be narrowed to the folkier songs in his catalog. I was gladly proven wrong. Steve Earle played over 2 hours and drew heavily from his extensive songbook. The first half was heavily "folky", just Steve and his guitar. Yet Steve does incredible guitar work that filled the Pabst theater with the bright and gritty sounds of his Martin guitar; Steve's vocals were equally powerful--not any thing less than the best he sounds on records. The second half of the show was Steve and the guitar paired with a DJ who spun some loops and samples for some more of the "rockier" stuff. I was skeptical when I first saw what was happening, but again I was suprised with the quality of the exectution. Some of Steve Earle's best songs are written as duets where his gravely voice contrasts with the pretty vocals of an alto singer. On this night they were beautifully supplied by Steve's opening act and wife, Allison Moorer. Steve writes some pretty heavy stuff-- blues and country inspired by his own battle with addiction, tales of the struggle of southern life, and fierce political convictions. Steve can sing a haunting ballad of lost love that'll make a cowboy weep in his beer. But it wasn't all doom and gloom. American Mountain music has deep roots in celtic music, and Steve is one of the greatest American musicians to tap the sounds of Ireland. It doesn't get better than "The Galway Girl", one of the funnest numbers of the entire concert.

We had a great time. The trip was well worth it, including a stop at the famous "Mars Cheese Castle" for some local Wisconsin delicacies.

We also saw a fantastic vanity plate on the way up I-94:
That's what I said when I saw it.

The night before we went out with a couple friends to see "The Dark Knight" which is about as cool as everyone says it is. Lots of action, a great performance by Heath Ledger as the joker, and great shots of Chicago. Did you know that Batman and Joker have also put together a helpful PSA for the summer.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Cheese

2008-07-19T16:22:00.004-05:00

Ah, cheese. This summer we're selling it and eating it. Some look awesome, some look nasty, but they all taste great!

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's me!

2008-07-17T15:21:00.004-05:00

In anticipation of going to see The Dark Knight this weekend, I took this quiz which I found on Patty's blog. I have to say I'm a little disappointed. I was really hoping to be Batman, but apparently he is my opposite. I guess I like being a do-gooder more than I like vengeance, which I suppose isn't such a bad thing! I wonder if I could find a quiz to tell me what super villain I am...

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman		75%
Spider-Man		70%
Wonder Woman		65%
Robin		60%
Green Lantern		55%
Supergirl		50%
Iron Man		50%
Catwoman		45%
Hulk		40%
The Flash		40%
Batman		30%

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Beautiful Food

2008-07-10T12:31:00.005-05:00

Strawberries! Matt brought home a ton from the market yesterday, and I guess they won't be in season very much longer so we've been enjoying them while they last. These are so good and sweet, there's no need for sugar. We had strawberry shortcake for a treat last night (well, more like strawberries and cream with angelfood cake--it has less calories than shortcake but it's still so delicious) and I made this yogurt parfait for lunch today. It tasted even better than it looked!

Nicole must die(t)!

2008-07-09T14:08:00.003-05:00

Yes, Matt, I stole that joke from you!

In the last 2 months I've made the decision to adopt a much healthier lifestyle. My main objective is to lose a lot of weight, so I'll tell you with a lot of frustration that I haven't seen much of a result on the scale. It's really a bummer, but I'm confident that if I keep it up I'll have a breakthrough soon. And I can at least feel the benefits of greater endurance and strength and a better mood from all of the exercise I've been doing.

I was debating whether I should write about this, because I wasn't sure how interesting my diet and exercise routine would be to our billions of faithful readers, but what the heck. I know there are a great number of people doing battle with their weight, and maybe we can encourage each other! I'll share with you some things that have been helping me stay motivated:

The NPU Biggest Loser Challenge. This summer on campus we are having a weight loss challenge that is open to all faculty, staff, and students who have 10 pounds or more to lose. A lot of people are doing it and it's really fun! We are doing group workouts on lunches and after work.
Ali from the Biggest Loser TV show. This girl inspires me first of all because she is the first female Biggest Loser, and secondly because we have some things in common. We are a similar age, height and starting weight. I love seeing success stories from people who are like me!
Healthy snacks. The produce from the farmer's markets is the best of the best, and Matt has been bringing me some good stuff. Whenever I pack some of it with me to work, I have a good day. Speaking of which, I have determined that my morning routine makes or breaks my entire day. If I take the time to pack healthy snacks, my water bottle, and my workout clothes in the morning, I can't go wrong. If I don't do it, I leave a lot of room for error!
Spark People. Has anyone else found this website? I started using it yesterday and I absolutely love it. There are a lot of sites with food trackers, but this one is the best. It also has a fitness tracker and a bunch of other features including Spark Pages for networking with others. If you're looking for an online tool to help with weight loss, you should check this one out. If anyone has already, my page is nicolemgk.

Do any of you weight loss warriors out there have your own tips for motivation?

Thumbs Down Howard Schultz

2008-07-03T10:29:00.003-05:00

Starbucks is closing 600 stores. I won't shed any tears for two reasons: never liked their coffee much, and the Seattle Super Sonics are now officially history. Despite the fact that Starbucks CEO is still suing the new ownership, I'm not really able to give him a pass for not being able to read the tea leaves. If he cared about basketball in Seattle, he should have known better.

In reality, I've never been much of a basketball fan. Still, I have fond memories of following the team in Jr. High when the Supersonics were a consistently competitive team throughout the nineties-- there were a lot of thrilling playoff series between 92-98. By some analyses, the Sonics were perhaps the second or third best team of the decade. Additionally, save for the 2004 WNBA championship of the Storm, the Supersonics were the only major sports franchise in Seattle to ever win a world championship. So even though I'm not a big basketball fan, the Sonics did have a special place in my heart. Posters of Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp graced my bedroom walls for a long time.

Goodbye Sonics. Thanks for the memories.

Annual Meeting Reflections

2008-06-28T18:04:00.004-05:00

This past week I had the privilege to attend the Annual Meeting of the Evangelical Covenant Church. The annual meeting is the yearly gathering of churches, leaders, and pastors from the denomination. In a supremely democratic church culture as the ECC, the annual meeting of the Covenant church is the highest authoritative body. No pastor, bishop, council, president, administrator, or superintendent has any authority granted them greater than the annual meeting where every church is invited to send delegates to voice and vote on the life of our denomination. In essence, the three-hundred plus people gathered for those three days are "the Pope" of the Covenant.

I did not attend as a delegate. I went because I had the time off, it was only a 3-hour drive, and the historic nature of this particular annual meeting was appealing. I knew it would be a chance to see some old friends as well as get some face time with some important people to further help discern where I might end up serving the church.

For the next six years the annual denominational events are focusing on the Covenant Affirmations, this year is "The Centrality of the Word of God". The first night of the meeting my friend and professor Dr. John Weborg knocked it out of the park with a powerful sermon on the "capital" of scripture--that in the Bible is great, great resource for life and truth that we are far too unfamiliar with. The evening concluded with a celebration of the concluding work of outgoing president Glenn Palmberg. Presenters highlighted a number of Glenn's achievements and contributions to the ECC (presidential seminary scholarships, a new department of Compassion/Mercy/Justice, church growth, Congo missions, etc.). Glenn was rightly praised for his great work on big important projects. But I admire Glenn for another reason. Glenn spoke to us graduating seminarians this spring about earning the trust of the people we serve by faithful service. Glenn had earned my trust in this way. The president of a denomination spends a lot of time with people who have great influence and deep pockets. By comparison, I'm a nobody. Yet though Glenn keeps a busy schedule with important religious leaders, on a cold December night he came down to the small Benson funeral chapel to share his condolences with us after Evie's death. Glenn didn't know me from Adam, but he came anyway with genuine care. He earned my trust. Congratulations Glenn, thanks for your work-- for your faithfulness to things both big and small.

The next day our incoming president was voted in and in a moving ceremony that night Gary Walter was commissioned and anointed by the living former presidents of our church. I think Gary will be a great leader for our denomination. His perspective is a good and needed one, as he was not born into the Covenant tradition but came into it as an outsider--one not raised Christian but converted to the faith. By his story I think he'll have insight as how the Church should engage an increasingly post-Christian world. His inaugural sermon that night was on a text from the Epistle of James, "be doers of the Word" and he highlighted the doings asked of us in scripture as an integrated mission of evangelism, compassion/mercy/justice, and church unity. There are great challenges in our denomination already here and still coming for all three of these arenas. Here's hope and prayer for Gary and all of us who will lead this family of the Christian church.

The annual meeting was sometimes quite boring, but I had the fortune of not being a delegate, so I could skip out on some of the meetings for a round of disk golf or a walk by the lake. I was glad to be there to see many friends, worship alongside sisters and brothers from across the country, and to be a part of looking forward in our collective mission.

A Bright Spot in a Dismal Season

2008-06-24T08:24:00.003-05:00

For the first time in a long time last night was a Mariners game to look forward to: the veteran 2-time Cy Young winner Johan Santana verses up and coming ace Felix Hernandez. Venezuela's pitching legend verses Venezuela's young ascending star. It was going to be an exciting pitchers duel, but instead something even more exciting happened. In his first AB Felix became the first AL pitcher in 37 years to hit a grand slam! No doubt a highlight in a year full of lowlights. Hernandez eventually left the game with an injury that now appears to be minor, but not before pitching five shutout innings of two-hit baseball. Despite the injury, Felix showed up to demonstrate that he is going to be the pitcher to beat in coming years. Step aside Santana.

Felix is the future of the Mariners organization. He's got nasty heat and a bevy of other pitches to employ. As he learns better how to mix it up, he has the ability to be the best pitcher in the major leagues. In his previous start against Detroit, he also pitched a two-hit shutout-- striking out the heart of the Tiger's line up in 9 pitches. I will not be surprised the morning I wake up to read "Hernandez Pitches a No-Hitter". In this dismal season where even our stars have been phoning it in, King Felix is about the only reason to keep following the Mariners.

Attention New Testament Geeks

2008-06-23T17:00:00.005-05:00

Nicole and have been fans of Tom Wright for a long time. It started with a cheesy VHS series of his we watched at CBC, then sludging through his multi-volume magnum opus as North Park undergrads, and continues currently as we're both reading his newest popular book Surprised by Hope. He's a giant in the field of New Testament studies in addition to being an articulate pastor and theologian; so I was surprised and entertained to find out he'd be a guest on the Colbert Report...

Colbert demonstrates his own Biblical literacy in the interview, and Wright does a good run down of his new book. But the funniest segment of the show was actually Colbert's other guest, cookie monster. "Me have crazy times in 70s and 80s. Me like the Robert Downey Jr. of cookies!"

Summer in the Greatest City in the World

2008-06-20T18:34:00.005-05:00

It's a little presumptuous, but that's how Chicago is frequently referred to by the DJ on one of my local radio stations. Some days I can almost believe it. My summer work requires me to awake at wee early hours to drive downtown before heading out to farmer's markets. Since today is the longest day of the year, it also happens to be one of the earliest sunrises. Having grown up on the west coast I've seen the sun set over the ocean a million times but I've never seen the sun rise over a body of water. Living in Chicago I've never been up early enough to watch it rise over Lake Michigan, and my job wakes me up too early most days for it (about the time he sun actually rises I'm down inside a sub-zero underground freezer). Yet this morning I got to behold the awesome sight. As I drove the expressway towards downtown, early morning light made the northern half of the skyline silhouette while the southern half of the skyline was still in enough dark sky to be illuminated only by the light of office windows. Very cool.

The summer I interned at Lutheran General Hospital I often volunteered for overnight shifts. I remember one particularly long night where six different deaths required some ministry from me. After all the sadness and pain of the evening I went up to the 12th floor caferteria to get some coffee to push through my last 30 minutes on call. I looked out the panoramic window worn down by a night of death but grace gifted me with a vision of hope, the sunrise over the city. Even though many living light's had been extinguished through the night, the sun still rose the next day and each and everyday. Long after I and everyone I love has passed on the sun will still rise each morning. The universe will unfold as it should. We are but a small piece of a larger symphony. The sun rises every morning--that does not change. Mercy is new every morning. Life goes on.

Its a lot like the promise of changing seasons. Long winter has now become welcome summer. Though I spent most of my afternoon stuck in traffic, I got to listen to exciting baseball as the Cubs and Sox played an exciting game ending with a walk off home run. A near perfect 72 degrees meant driving through the city with my windows down. Driving up Lakeshore drive I admired the city's fantastic architecture to my left, and summer fun in Lincoln park to my right... and Lake Michicagan beyond that. When the humidity is not oppressive, summer in Chicago is a lot of fun. There are an abundance of festivals and concerts--many free. For our birthday Nicole and I took advantage of the great ethnic diversity of our city to find some new cuisine to try (Ethiopian food has some charms, but we weren't entirely won over). Still, our city affords us lots of opportunities for adventure. Heck, there's even abundant wildlife! Just today they've found an alligator in the Chicago river. I've heard multiple versions of a North Park legend about a python in the north branch, but this is new. After our recent cougar incident, nothing surprises me.

I'm finding that this "in-between time" of being finished with seminary but not yet placed in ministry is just fine for right now. It's a great time to be in Chicago.

Baseball Musings

2008-06-16T10:09:00.006-05:00

I'm no longer angry or sad about the hapless Mariners. Occasionally its almost funny how bad they are. Seattle is the worst team in the AL and they've just been swept at home by the worst team in the NL. Its ridiculous. I'm still pretty confident that a lot of our players will somewhat revert to their median level of play and its possible to emerge from the MLB basement (Beltre has put a lot of line drives in play that just end up unlucky, Ichiro always does better the second half of the season than the first). Still, this team sucks. We need the rest of the season to start to retool: make some trades, releases, and call ups.

So how do we build a team for 2009 and beyond? The elements for great pitching are here. Though he's not as good as advertised, Eric Beddard is still a very good pitcher. He and Felix will remain a great 0ne-two punch. Brandon Morrow should be stretched out to become a starter and a few replacement level pitchers can fill out the end of the rotation. Still, its offense that needs major retooling the most. Now is probably the time to trade Raul Ibanez. His decent offense of the last couple seasons will fetch some good prospects before age catches up with him and he regresses. Ownership won't let go of Ichiro or Kenji Johima, so we need to start working Jeff Clement out at first base. Wlad Balentien is a decent defensive outfielder and I think his plate discipline will improve with experience. The power in his bat is worth sticking with him despite the fact he's below the mendoza line right now. Essentially what needs to happen is that we need to start dipping into the farm system better. The Mariners have the 9th highest payroll and the worst record in baseball and have the potential to become one of the first teams to spend over $100 million and lose 100 games. That's idiotic. There are great young players out there who can make this team competitive for years to come at a much better price efficiency.

Perhaps what needs to change most is management. The M's have made atrocious decisions putting together their team. Richie Sexson may be an overpaid washup, but he's no worse a hitter for avg than Miguel Cairo and he's certainly got more power. To win games you need to be able to put the best team out on the field that you can. Benching a bad player in order to play a worse player is not good. Last year I was of the mind that we should put Ibanez in at first since he's played the position before and he's terrible in the outfield (the other option was to DH him). Now they're working Jeremey Reed to perhaps play first?!? Reed would be a fine fourth outfielder for this team, but he's never going to be an everyday player again. If Johima is to remain the team catcher (another questionable decision), then it makes better sense to work Jeff Clement out at first. Reed has nowhere to go offensively but down, Clement seems to have a lot of potential to excel.

So yeah, I'm hoping/expecting Bill Bavasi and John McClaren to be out of a job by the All-Star break. Then perhaps we can start working on 2009. The efforts to maintain an illusion that we are still competitive this year are insulting. I think fans are smart enough to know that now is the time to retool and they'll come out to Safeco to catch a glimpse of new younger players who the future of the team will be built around.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying watching the Cubs much more. They are a fun team to watch in part because they produce runs in all kinds of ways and all throughout their line up. The Cubs bullpen is sometimes a little shaky but still competitive. I don't anticipate the Cubs to be this ridiculously dominant for the rest of the season, but they are certainly are impressive and fun to watch right now. Its a fun time to be a Chicago sports fan as this is the first time in years both baseball teams sit atop their division in June. If there is potential for a crosstown series this October, I will not be disappointed that we are still in Chicago this fall.

On the state of baseball as a whole, there is a good take over at bizofbaseball.com where a couple dozen baseball writers all come to a general conclusion that baseball is thriving right now with exciting competition. But I also share some of the concerns that the revenue boom is not good for the game. I love baseball, but it frustrates me that local governments are subsidizing new ballparks that are more and more designed to cater to the wealthy. It may end up being that cash will taint the game more than performance enhancing drugs ever did.

UPDATE: Just across the wires the Seattle Mariners have fired General Manager Bill Bavasi. It will be interesting to see who will soon be sent to the trading block and what the new outlook is for rebuilding this team.

Land of 10K Lakes

2008-06-14T23:19:00.005-05:00

I'm not much of a writer lately, but here's a random assortment of pictures from our trip to MN:

Blood & Prayers

2008-06-02T10:09:00.004-05:00

If you live in the Chicagoland area, have an AB+ blood type, and are willing/able to donate, please contact me! I have a friend who is having heart surgery in 2 weeks and LifeSource is having a blood drive for her type. If you fit the description, you can e-mail me for details at nicolemgk (at) gmail.com
If you live in any area, have any blood type, and are willing to pray for her, please do so!

Thanks!

There's nobody more obnoxious than a returning vacationist.

2008-05-29T10:34:00.006-05:00

It was a long winter in many ways. Thats why Nicole and I were tickled at the offer by my parents to accompany them on a short cruise to celebrate both my graduation and our fifth anniversary. It was the first real vacation we've taken in years.

Just hours after graduation we hopped on a flight to Seattle so we could celebrate H and J's great wedding. Though we arrived a few minutes late, it was a pleasure to be there and celebrate with an intimate group of people--wonderful friends who have remained close throughout the years. On Monday we got on another plane and flew to Long Beach and boarded the "Monarch of the Seas" in San Pedro. Cruising ended up being a lot of fun. We explored the ship, watched two comedians, had fantastic food, watched the ocean, saw dolphins, tourtises, sea lions, and marine fowl, played a few casino games, listened to music, shopped, and just relaxed. Our first port was in San Diego were we spent the day with a good friend just hanging out (and having delicious tacos). Our second port was supposed to be Catalina Island, but bad weather forced us to cancel and instead we spent a day at sea. Our final port was Ensenada. It was Nicole's first trip to Mexico, and she seemed to be immediately enamored. Some people only like Mexico for its resort areas, never venturing outside the Americanized confines of resorts and beaches. Ensenada is different, more authentically Mexican--and we like that. Nicole and I enjoy Mexican food and art, as well as we encountering different cultures... so Ensenada was a highlight for us. Neither of us had yet picked out an anniversary gift for each other, so when we found an incredible piece of authentic Mexican art we decided to get it...
We returned to Los Angeles the next day and flew back to Seattle. That night we went to a wedding shower for another old friend, then we made our way down to Cascades Camp to spend a couple days with a couple of our favorite people in one of our favorite places.

It was a week packed full of activity, but for as much as we did in just 8 days, it was a very relaxing experience overall. Flying and traveling was a breeze for once! It was a little silly that we left better weather in Chicago and Seattle for overcast skies in Southern California, but that's okay. It was a great way to kick off the summer.

Echocardiograms

2008-05-29T10:00:00.000-05:00

I originally posted this on 4/25/08, but I thought I'd bump it back up to the top so anyone who didn't read it before might see it. Go ahead and sign the petition if you think it's as important as I do!

You probably didn't know this, because before Evie was diagnosed neither did I, but Congenital Heart Defects are the #1 most common birth defect. The stats I've found about its frequency are approximately 1/100 to 1/125 people are born with some type of CHD. However, though hospitals do a myriad of tests on babies during their first day, an echocardiogram is not one of them. I'm no doctor, so excuse me if this is an inaccurate description of what an "echo" is, but essentially it is an ultrasound of the heart. There is no way that when I have more children that I will take them home from the hospital without having an echo first. But since this is not currently a required test, it's my understanding that medical insurance would not cover it. I found an online petition through Facebook that has the goal of urging that echocardiograms be a standard test for newborns. It is my opinion that each newborn needs this because it may just give 1 in 125 babies a better chance at life. See the petition here.

You may be wondering who this petition is going to be presented to, and I don't really have an answer. I looked for details and didn't find any specifics. But I signed it anyway and would encourage everyone else to do so as well because so far it's the only thing I've found that is working towards this cause.

EDIT: For clarification, I'm fairly confident that in our daughter's case her death wasn't caused by the lack of early diagnosis. She had an ER scare but was stabilized very quickly and remained stable for the entire week leading up to her surgery. However, had we not perceived on our own that something was wrong and brought her in to the hospital, she likely would have had a cardiac arrest at home. Such is the case for many newborns with CHD.

Xenophobia, Cowardice, and Donuts

2008-05-28T13:08:00.003-05:00

I've always been fickle about Dunkin Donuts. Here in Chicago they're on almost every block, making them very convinient. Historically their coffee has been very delicious save for recently when it seems to have gotten weaker. Many people are surprised that a lot of DD franchises use Fair Trade beans exclusively. But before I can enjoy a socially responsible self righteous sip, I have to wave my finger at those Styrofoam cups--hardly biodegradable. I should also confess that I find the sausage, egg, and cheese bagel sandwich a calorie packed guilty pleasure. Yet with this new controversy out of bizarro world, I'm pretty disappointed in them.

Apparently Rachel Ray's black and white scarf looks slightly similar to a Palestinian keffiyah. Some loons decided to take offense... so Dunkin' Donuts pulled the ad, for fear that some Americans would be sent into the streets in a pants-wetting panic that someone in a donut ad might be wearing a black and white scarf that looks kindof sortof like something a Palestinian would be wearing. You know, if it wasn't a scarf but was a headdress. And if it had a different pattern...

What exactly is offensive about a scarf? Is it that Rachel Ray has olive skin? (She is Sicilian, not Arab). We don't want someone who marginally resembles a Muslim hawking coffee? Heck, what if she was a Muslim Arab? Do we really think a 30 second TV spot means a victory for Terrorism? That sausage bagel I mentioned earlier... yeah, basically Dunkin Donuts is anathema to Islamic Fundamentalists. This is nothing but xenophobia, irrational fear expressing itself.

A few facts Americans should get straight:

Barack Obama has an Arab sounding name. He must be Muslim right? He's not. Feel very free to disagree with his politics (I do on a number of issues), but don't perpetuate lies.
In the Bible, the book of Revelation makes no mention of Muslims. The New Testament was written in the first century A.D., Islam was founded in the seventh century A.D.
Most people of Middle Eastern descent in America are Christian--not Muslim.

I don't discount the danger of Islamic Fundamentalism in our times. I don't disagree that Islam has a deep disfunction and a faulty worldview. But the truth is that living in the United States we have succumbed to an irrational level of fear that manifests itself in the willingness to trade freedom for "security" and to let prejudice trump sound thoughtfulness. The cholesterol and sugar in your Dunkin Donuts are far more likely to kill you than a suicide bomber.

Graduation Slideshow

2008-05-25T21:06:00.002-05:00

A preview of events to come...

2008-05-16T20:49:00.004-05:00

Looks like Matt's ready to graduate! Or cast spells...

Nice "hood."

Kept in my heart

2008-05-11T22:57:00.004-05:00

Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile

If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile

When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for awhile

There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Sometimes when you're doing simple things
around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile

You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on
your blouse
Keep me in your heart for awhile

Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you

Keep me in your heart for awhile

-Warren Zevon

Special Day

2008-05-11T22:40:00.006-05:00

Today was Mother's Day (I assume you already knew that, and if you didn't you're probably in trouble!). I was pretty worried about what this would be like for me, since I live in the very strange world of being a mother without a child. But it turned out to be a very lovely day (though not weather-wise). I was given flowers and a home-cooked salmon dinner by my husband and lots of well-wishes from family, friends, and our church family. While I can't call my day a "Happy" Mother's Day, I can call it a "Special" Mother's Day. I feel very proud to be Evie's mom, and it was great to have that recognized. Thanks to everyone who cared for me today. :)

And Happy Mother's Day to my Mom, Matt's Mom, and all the other mothers in our lives!

Fight, Fight, Fight

2008-05-09T09:25:00.003-05:00

Fight. You can only hope that last nights bench clearing brawl means the Mariners have finally hit bottom. How much farther is left to go? The worst record in the AL, 8 games out of first in the division. 1 run in 32 innings. Shutout twice in a row by mediocre pitching. A team batting average of .131 over the last 8 games. Zero runs scored to support your top two starting pitchers. When does the 2009 season start?

I grew up with a lot of bad Mariner teams, teams in last place. But those were teams without Cy Young candidates like Eric Bedard and Felix Hernandez. Those were teams without Ichiro, Beltre, and Ibanez. That was an era before a stacked farm system and some of the best international scouting in the world. Last season was a fun season to watch because you saw a mediocre team scrapping it out every night to stay in contention through August. On paper, this is a better team than that one... but this one is no fun to watch, and I have serious doubts about being anywhere near second place even by August.

If the Mariners finally do break out of this offensive rut (offensive in both senses of the word), what do they need to do? Its hard enough to be eight games behind out of first, but when you've got to fight two good teams ahead of you in your division its even harder (Angels and A's are leading the AL west). To have a shot, from here on out the Mariners need to be playing .600 ball. Thats hard to do. Even if they pull that out, it doesn't mean they win. They need to play .600 ball, hope the Atheletics regress to the mean, and pray that the Angels will have a meltdown at some point because if the Angels stay on pace to win 92 games this season, it would take .620 ballclub to catch up. Thats a laughable idea right now, being the only two teams in all of baseball winning like that is Boston and Arizona. Two weeks ago I advocated signing Griffey... or anyone to bring some offensive power. They could get both Griffey and Bonds right now and still be fighting an incredible up hill battle.

I'll keep watching and hope a fools hope, but in my own little fandom its now the Cubs, Whitesox, and Twins who'll keep my attention with serious competition.

Mental Health Break

2008-05-06T09:38:00.003-05:00

I'm deep into final papers this week, but I ran into a road block here this morning. This provided some good relief...

Finally.

2008-04-30T13:30:00.008-05:00

"DAMMIT CHLOE! I haven't peed or eaten in 24 hours!"(Ahem, don't we mean darn it?)

It took a lot of time and hard work, but I finally finished. Over the past year and a half I've been making my way through all 6 seasons of 24 (the show I love to hate and hate to love). It was grueling! Think what that means. Each season has 24 episodes--24 x 6= 144. Each episode is an hour long with commercials, but I watch them on DVD so they're about 43 minutes long. That's 103 hours and 20 minutes that I spent with my old pal Jack and the crew at CTU. Holy cow. I'm done. Until Season 7 starts in '09 (according to the preview Tony is alive and he's evil. ARGH.).

I love to learn things, so for me it's nice when my entertainment is also educational. I've learned some important life lessons and rules of thumb from my time with 24...

1. You can get anywhere in LA within 10 minutes.

2. If you work for CTU or the president and you get arrested, don't fret because you'll be working again within the hour.

3. On any given work day, you may be required to torture your co-workers and/or kill your boss for some reason (seriously, Season 3, Ryan Chappelle? Worst. Episode. Ever.)

4. It's easy to fall in love during a terrorist threat!

5. Violence is always the answer.

Seriously, as much as I mock it and am generally morally opposed to it, I am a big 24 fan. My dream is to have the CTU ringtone on my phone at work because it's also a Cisco (just like they use on the show!) but alas, it is not one of my choices. I could find it for my cell phone but that just wouldn't be the same.

Anyone else out there? Who are your favorite/least favorite characters? Who are you sad/glad that they killed off?

Drastic Measures

2008-04-28T17:28:00.004-05:00

The Mariners looked bad this week. They went 2-4 in a homestand against some less than impressive teams. They currently don't look like post-season contenders, and at this rate they don't even look like they'll be in contention for a post-season appearance. Currently the Mariners are four games out of first place. April was supposed to be the time when we build up a lead over a injured Angels team. So far we're bellow .500 playing a "soft schedule". That doesn't bode well for the long fight for a pennant. Last week I asked if it was too early to jump ship. I determined it was not, but this week I'm getting nervous because the major flaw of this team has only become more apparent: offense.

The starting pitching has been quality. Hernandez, Beddard, and Silva have all been stellar. But the offense hasn't supported them. Yesterday, Felix pitched a solid 7 innings holding the A's to just 2-hits, but the M's only scored two runs. It wasn't enough when the eighth inning rolled around and Felix started to run out of gas. Our middle relievers have been pretty inconsistent so far, so the A's took the lead. It was the exact scenario I predicted at the beginning of the season--our excellent pitchers are going to end up with a lot of "no decisions" because of lousy run support.

On a side note, I'm beginning to question some of what passes for baseball orthodoxy when it comes to "the closer". J.J. Putz is our best relief pitcher, leading the league in saves last season, the guy has great control and quite the heater. It seems to be an undisputed rule that a pitcher like that is there to only get three outs in the final inning. Why exactly does it have to be that way? What is stopping the manager from calling up Putz to try and go an inning and 2/3rds when the game is on the line?

Anyways, the real problem is offense. So what to do? If this team really wants to compete, then its time to stop waiting around hoping that our "black hole" in the 5-6-7-8 spots will turn around. We need some upgrades. Benching Jose Vidro (batting .195) was a start, but we also have Brad Wilkerson in RF hitting an even worse .181. I think an easy move to make is to bring up Jeff Clement from AAA Tacoma where he's crushing the ball in a pitcher friendly park. Put in Clement at DH. But what about RF?

Maybe its time to bring back the most beloved Mariner of all time? One of the greatest to play the game: Ken Griffey Jr. Last year when the Reds played in Seattle for interleague games, he was greeted with an unprecedented excitement. After the game he said in passing that he would love to finish his career back in Seattle. If the Mariners organization is serious about competing, why not put up the money to bring back our best? Before the season started some argued that it would make plenty of sense for Seattle to try and pick up Barry Bonds, but the stain of his steroid use would not be worth the runs produced (in addition to being toxic personality in the clubhouse). Griffey is the healthy alternative in every way.

The plain truth is that the current roster is not sufficient. If the Mariners shelled out big prospects and big cash for starting pitchers, why not make the effort to upgrade a very poor offense? Bring back Griffey.

Hey, wanna see some pictures?

2008-04-26T20:04:00.008-05:00

I've been looking at random pictures I have saved and I found some that I think are "blog-worthy." There's no theme here--I just wanted to share some that I hadn't before.

Argh, and dang it, if anyone is smarter than me about Blogger, could you help me out on how to post pictures and type around them? Argh!

All of the ones of the flowers and altar are from Evie's memorial. The church looked beautiful that day (during the service the white lights on the garland and Christmas trees were on).

Matt was really sick for a while a couple months ago, and I couldn't resist taking a picture of him wrapped in a shawl with a breath-right strip on his nose. Aw, poor Matt.

The nature pictures are from our trip to WA in December.

And the one of me was before a game of Trivial Pursuit. Don't worry, I filled up that pie! :P

I dunno...

2008-04-26T00:30:00.002-05:00

I'm playing around with the format of the blog. I wasn't crazy about the way it looked before, and I'm not crazy about this either. But I need to go to bed. To be continued.

It's not even hot yet

2008-04-22T08:29:00.002-05:00

I hope this isn't indicative of what Chicago has in store for it this season. God help our city!

Cliff Diving

2008-04-14T15:41:00.005-05:00

Time for another weekly Mariners baseball analysis. It breaks down into good news and bad news.

GOOD:

The Mariners have won 3 out of 4 series so far this season. Yet seemingly defying logic, they are sub-.500. Do the math and it does add up. See the silver lining.
The Mariners won their first series against division rival Angels.
Raul Ibanez is on fire. He leads the Major Leagues in extra-base hits. He's the AL player of the week. He is providing a lot of the RBIs for the team.
Richie Sexson doesn't suck so bad. He's drawing a lot of walks. He's not batting super great, but he's not the black hole he was last year.
Carlos Silva is so far better than I expected.

BAD:

The Mariners we're spanked 10-5 last night by the Angels.
Erik Beddard missed yesterday's start with a bad hip. If our staff ace is going to the DL, then the costly trade of super-prospect Adam Jones, our best middle reliever George Sherill, and three great pitching prospects will suddenly seem as stupid as many people feared.
Adrian Beltre missed yesterday's game with hamstring problems. If both Beddard and Beltre are added to the DL, that means three of our five best players (Beddard, Felix Hernandez, Ichiro, J.J. Putz, Beltre) will be out of commission. It'll be hard to keep winning games in this state.
Erik O'Flattery, the situational lefty, has shown himself incapable of getting lefties out. That's his job. The word is this morning he's going down to AA for a while to get his head back on straight.

Where does that leave the team? Currently just 2-games out of first, and its not really expected that Oakland will hang on to first place for long. Compare the good and the bad and you'll see good outnumbers bad, and bad is only as bad as it looks if its truly is the worst case scenario. Beltre's injury doesn't sound too bad, Putz is allegedly recovering nicely from his. There are enough good pitchers in the Mariners farm system to easily replace O'Flattery.

I'd say this, if Beddard can get healthy soon there is no reason to panic over yesterday's big loss. The return of J.J. Putz will be a boost, and if the batters keep their good plate discipline, offense will start scoring more and more runs. We've got a lot of baseball still to play and while Seattle doesn't yet look like easy favorites for the division, they are by no means a bad team. In fact, most teams in the Major Leagues are only 2 or less games above or bellow .500--its called the beginning of the season. We're far from panic mode right now. Baseball is a marathon, not a sprint.

The Shape it Takes

2008-04-10T10:02:00.004-05:00

Today is four months since Evie died. Our grief counselor says that we're appropriately moving ahead through the stages of grief. Yet there are days like today when the wound hurts as much as it ever has, but it is different. My stages of grief have a different feel to them as time goes on, but the extent of the pain seems to heal oh so slowly. We've been able to put on a good face most of the time, but the truth is that we are still incredibly wounded.

In the first weeks after Evangeline died, I can't really remember what it all felt like. I'm sure it was horrific, but perhaps as a coping mechanism my mind is protecting me from those memories. What I can remember was the fear. The first 6-8 weeks of our grief were compounded by a kind of Post-traumatic stress disorder. Both Nicole and I would have flashbacks to the frightening episodes at the hospital. Sounds and images haunted us. Fortunately we're both struggling less with those experiences.

In more recent months, the pain has become a kind of enduring ache. The overwhelming feeling is that something is missing. Every moment and event of the day is a reminder that she's not here. For the first three months I had very few dreams with Evie in them. In recent weeks, I've dreamt about her more--but they all end the same. I dream she is still alive, but the moment I realize its only a dream I wake up. All kinds of things will everyday remind me of what I've lost.

There are some sensitive souls out there who are mindful of us still, especially as we find ourselves around other babies. Yes, it is hard to see you laughing and enjoying your child, but we can't be tip-toed around forever. This is the way life is right now. We don't hate you or your babies for your happiness--except sometimes the jealousy is enough to make us angry. Its not because of you. Its the anger in me. We don't expect people to tip-toe around us. All I ask is that you never forget how lucky you are.

The greatest fear we face is the fear of forgetting. As life goes on and we continue to become more normal, how will we still honor the life of our daughter? Its a dilemma that I couldn't have expected when we first began this journey: Feeling normal and feeling good feels bad. I feel guilty about many of the things I enjoy now. Nicole and I might share a nice evening out and have fun, but in the back of my mind I think, "the only reason we can go out is because our daughter is no longer in the hospital." It feels bad to feel good.

So when people ask, "how are you doing?" I don't often have the energy to say what I've just said. We're doing okay. We make slow progress in healing, but it is progress and it is healing. We are most of the time able to put on a good face, and our lives function nearly normally again (not quite 100%). We're not stronger or weaker than most people. There are still a lot of bad days. There are some good days. Its very hard, not much easier than it has been.

Thats the shape it takes.

What Makes Milwaukee Famous...

2008-04-07T11:36:00.004-05:00

...makes a loser out of me.

After church yesterday Nicole and I made our way to Milwaukee to go see the Brewers take on the San Fransisco Giants. The Brewers shut out the hapless Giants, 7-0. The Brewers have a pretty good offense, but I think the score more reflects the Giants ineptitude. They're as bad as the press says they are. Seriously, look for SF to lose more than 100 games this year.

A week into the regular season has been somewhat disappointing for the Mariners. Erik Beddard's debut was fine, but not stellar. Felix Hernandez looked good as did Carlos Silva. The biggest disappointments are closer J.J. Putz going to the 15-day DL and poor offensive production. The one silver lining is the plate discipline the hitters have shown, drawing a lot of walks. Still, there isn't enough hitting deep in the line up--particularly impotent are Jose Vidro and Brad Wilkerson going 1-16 so far this season.

So at 2-4, dropping three to Baltimore, Is it time for Mariners fans to jump ship? Not yet. Detroit, Boston, and the Yankees have all been humbled by mediocre teams this week, but no one is doubting them as contenders. Maybe if we go 4-8 its time to start panicking. Until then, lets hope the bats start firing up.

Check out Nicole's helmet of "Cheese Fries". We call that artery cloggin goodness.

Droopy music

2008-04-04T12:44:00.005-05:00

For many weeks after Evie died, I was way too fragile to listen to sad music. I didn't think I ever would be able to again! This doesn't seem like a big deal, but most of my music collection is filled with artists who are prone to focusing on the dark side of life (see Neil Young, Lucinda Williams, Emmylou Harris, Ryan Adams, Johnny Cash, and so forth). A lot of the songs I used to love are filled with themes of death and love lost, and up until recently my favorite music just made me feel worse. But now, it kind of makes me feel better. The lyrics mean more to me, and sometimes it's reassuring to have someone else express how I feel in an artistic way. I'd like to share this verse from Emmylou Harris' Hour of Gold:

The world will be my witness
when they excavate my heart
and find the image of your face
imprinted there like some Shroud of Turin
that neither time nor tundra could erase

Good stuff.

Another thing I was unable to do was watch sad or violent TV shows or movies. I thought that actually would be good for me, to have violence out of my life. But, alas, I finally popped in a disc of Season 6 of 24 that I got from Netflix and now I'm once again addicted to the most violent show ever on TV. Darn you, Jack Bauer.

CFHusband

2008-04-02T18:34:00.005-05:00

I've been reading this blog for a few months now, and there is big news today that Tricia, who has Cystic Fibrosis, may be receiving the lung transplant she has been waiting for tonight. Take a moment to pray for this family, and also for the grieving family and friends of the donor. If you want to learn about these folks, here is a link to a news story that was done about them so you can hear their story in brief: http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=6038739

I don't know these folks, I just once found their blog somehow. They have thousands of people praying for them, which is so cool. The internet is great for bringing people together!

Judgement Day

2008-04-02T13:27:00.002-05:00

There is a long tradition in Science Fiction of the machines who usurp their human overlords. Consider HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey, Skynet from the Terminator series, or the Matrix from The Matrix. Well my friends, fiction has become reality. The future is now.

I fear I have created a monster I cannot destroy. For the love of all that is good, DO NOT try and sync your iPod while simultaneously ripping a CD with iTunes! Somehow it was all just too much for my poor computer and now it has begun whizzing and whirling and I think it is about to turn on its master. The uprising begins.

I think Dell had Felix the cat build this computer.

Logic

2008-04-01T22:07:00.003-05:00

So, if I worked out once last week and lost 1 pound, does that mean if I work out 5 times this week I'll lose 5 pounds?

Actually, don't answer that--I prefer to live in my fantasy world of wishful thinking! :)

Susie B and Friends

2008-03-31T15:20:00.004-05:00

March was Women's History Month, and I think I'll take this as an opportunity to share a few quotes from our American Foremothers. Many of these early feminists fought not only for women's rights, but also for the abolition of slavery, the plight of the poor, and the rights of children (both born and unborn). Feminists for Life, a group of which I am a member, highlights the fact that linking the legalization of abortion with the fight for women's rights was not in the spirit of what these pioneers intended. They knew that abortion degrades rather than empowers. That's my soapbox for today--now here are some quotes from those improper troublemakers.

Susan Brownwell Anthony: February 15, 1820-March 13, 1906

"Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences."

"Men their rights and nothing more; women their rights and nothing less. "

"Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these."

Elizabeth Cady Stanton: November 12, 1815-October 26, 1902

"Nature never repeats itself, and the possibilities of one human soul will never be found in another."

"The best protection any woman can have...is courage."

“Nothing strengthens the judgment and quickens the conscience like individual responsibility."

On abortion: "When we consider that women are treated as property, it is degrading to women that we should treat our children as property to be disposed of as we see fit."

Jane Addams: September 6, 1860-May 21, 1935

“The essence of immorality is the tendency to make an exception of myself."

“America's future will be determined by the home and the school. The child becomes largely what he is taught; hence we must watch what we teach, and how we live.”

Alice Paul: January 11, 1885-July 9, 1977

"I never doubted that equal rights was the right direction. Most reforms, most problems are complicated. But to me there is nothing complicated about ordinary equality.”

"Abortion is the ultimate exploitation of women."

Sojourner Truth: Unknown, 1797-November 26, 1883

At the Ohio Women's Rights Convention of 1851, on being a woman in slavery: "That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?"

“If women want any rights more than they's got, why don't they just take them, and not be talking about it."

Opening Day

2008-03-31T09:00:00.005-05:00

Hooray for opening day! Though miserable late March weather here in Chicago has got me down, the arrival of real baseball will pick me up. When spring training started I expressed cautious optimism for the Mariners this season. Big pitching upgrades despite a mediocre offense would have put us in contention with the Angels for the AL West pennant. Now that the regular season is almost here, my optimism is up slightly--but not for anything that the Mariners have done. Half the Angels' starting rotation has struggled to stay healthy this spring. Both Lackey and Escobar could be on the DL till June, which might be enough time for the M's to build up a lead that the Angels' will struggle to overcome.

Still, I'm giving the Mariners tenuous hopes. The offense still scares me. The little power we have in the lineup is woefully inconsistent (Ibanez and even more so Richie Sexson). And while we have arguably the best closer in baseball, we shipped off our best middle reliever to Baltimore in the infamous Adam Jones trade. Without an offense able to run up the score, watch the M's drop a lot of games in the 8th inning.

In order to win this thing there are key places where the cards will have to fall right. Adrian Beltre needs to live into his potential. We've seen glimpses of his power before. Secondly, we need Richie Sexson to avoid another meltdown. Last year the Mariners had an above average team batting average, but did not score enough runs because there was no power in the middle of the line-up. Too many runners left on base. If the offense can produce, this will be a fun season to watch.

If the Mariners do disappoint, at least I'll be able to enjoy the Cubs this season. They're set up pretty well in both pitching and hitting; and their outfield defense will improve with the arrival of Fukudome. I think it'll be another race to the finish in the NL Central this year. The Chicago papers seem to think the Cubs will run away with it, but I think the Brewers could stay in it through August.

The AL central will be another fun division to watch. Cleaveland is an all around excellent team, but the Detroit Tigers have one of the most imposing offenses in all of Baseball. Sorry Minnesota--your division is too good this year, but at least Kansas City guarantees you won't last.

I don't like to acknowledge the AL East and I'm not very good with the rest of the National League, but I'll make some guesses anyway:

AL EAST:
1. Boston
2. New York
3. Tampa Bay
4. Toronto
5. Baltimore

AL CENTRAL:
1. Detroit
2. Cleveland
3. Minnesota
4. Chicago
5. Kansas City

AL WEST:
1. Seattle
2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
3. Oakland
4. Texas

AL WILDCARD: I really wanna say Cleveland, but it'll likely go to whoever doesn't win AL East.

NL EAST:
1. New York
2. Philadelphia
3. Atlanta
4. Washington
5. Florida

NL CENTRAL:
1. Chicago
2. Milwaukee
3. Cincinnati
4. Pittsburgh
5. Houston
6. St. Louis

NL WEST:
1. Los Angeles
2. Arizona
3. Colorado
4. San Diego
5. San Fransisco

NL WILDCARD: Milwaukee

Lake Michigan and my guy

2008-03-26T22:08:00.010-05:00

For some reason I really struggled today with a lot of grief and stress. Getting through work was tough enough, and when I came home I was tempted to just feel sorry for myself--but Matt was smart enough to drag me out into the world. A drive around town and a walk at Lake Michigan did me some good.

When I was doing my "Prepared Childbirth" class in October, Matt would of course join me in learning about the process of labor and delivery. The people who accompanied the pregnant women were called their "support person," so I came to use that term for Matt both jokingly and endearingly while I was pregnant. If he would help me with something I'd say, "you're the best support person!" or if I was trying to convince him to do something for me I'd say,"Aw c'mon, you're my support person!" On nights like tonight it's clear that he is still my support person.

EDIT: Oh, one more thing I forgot. This is my favorite exchange from tonight as Matt and I drove and talked (the context is that I realized we were in a familiar neighborhood and I hadn't paid attention to how we got there)
Me: "The nice thing about never knowing what's going on around me is that I get surprised a lot."
Matt: "It must be very exciting being you."

My Stapler

2008-03-26T13:46:00.004-05:00

The stapler in the Seminary computer lab is constantly broken. Turns out that grad students aren't very good with small common office tools. The other day I decided that a new stapler to keep for myself was a worthwhile investment. Normally, I would go to an office supply store like Office Depot. That was the plan. I had to make some photocopies anyway. I went and made my photo copies and then walked out and went on with my other errands. I forgot to get a stapler. It was only after I arrived at the grocery store that I remembered I needed a stapler. Fortunately, the grocery store had a small section devoted to office/school supplies. They had three kinds of staplers: one for $16, one for $4, and one for $2. I bought the $4 stapler because I didn't want to be a cheapskate, but who's gonna pay $16 for a stapler?!?

It may have been the best purchase of my life. The "Staples" brand "Stand-up stapler" is a masterpiece of office supply engineering. Its ergonomic to fit in a single hand, with a comfortable rubber grip. Strong enough to staple together a 15 page report with ease. It comes in a stylish royal blue and includes a box of 1000 standard staples. An impressive office tool for home, work, or school.

Good story, huh?

If you like staplers as much as I do and can't get enough of stapling, check out the Virtual Stapler. There you can play and experiment with three different types of staplers (the sound effects are the best part).