Saturday, February 21, 2009

Girl Power!

We had a really great day yesterday! We had our appointment for my 20 week ultrasound, and given our history with Evie, I got a little more than the routine treatment. I saw 3 specialists for about a half hour each: 1 to do the routine ultrasound, 1 who looked only at the structure of the heart, and 1 who looked at all the other organs and bones and such. All in all my belly was abused for about an hour and a half! But it was so fun. One of the very first things we found out was that it's a GIRL! And the best thing we found out is that she seems to be in great health. They can't see everything on the ultrasound, but they can see a lot--including most of our concerns about the heart. Everything is in its right place and appears to be the right size. Thanks to everyone who prayed for us and encouraged us! We feel so lucky.

Interesting coincidence--I knew that the person who would be looking at the heart would be a cardiologist from Children's Memorial, but I imagined the chance of it being someone we knew would be slim because they have nearly 20 cardiologists on staff and we only met with 3. It just happened to be that the cardiologist who came to do my ultrasound was a Dr. we met on the very first day that Evie was admitted to Children's. She did Evie's echocardiogram on that day, but that was the only time we met her. She still remembered me and Evie even though it has been over a year! Such good people.

I feel that while I'm being honest about my joy I should also be honest about my grief. I found that when we discovered that the heart was in great shape I was so relieved, but then also heartbroken all over again that Evie didn't get to have the same fortune. I wish our 2 daughters could have had the same opportunities. Matt and I have seen a therapist periodically since Evie's death and we have talked extensively about future children. One thing he's always noted is that with the joy of seeing milestones in our children's lives, grief will also come. I didn't take that to heart until yesterday and now I can see what he means. While I feel like I have gotten a great gift, I also am bound to remember that Evie got cheated out of the gifts of health and life.

With that said, we are THRILLED! So happy that we got a good health report, and also that pigtails and dresses are in our near future. :) Poor Matt will be outnumbered in his own home!


at said...

that's great news! congrats :)

Melissa said...

What great news about the baby's good health...and yet I can't imagine the weight you feel in grieving Evie at this time. My prayers are with you all!

Tall Pants said...

We're super excited for you! And thank you for the honest reflections.

Quebecca said...

I'm sure Matt can't wait to be outnumbered!

I'm so happy for you!

Rebecca C said...

I'm pretty sporadic about checking your blog so just read this. I"m pondering Evie being cheated out of life and health. I don't have any experience in this, yet it makes sense that you're experiencing the loss as well as the joy. What a blessing to have that wise therapist. Evie may not have gotten dresses and pigtails, but she was more than LAVISHED with love during the time she did get to be here. I think you're the ones who were cheated too.Therefore the grief and loss -- some tears even through the smiles. Walk in it all. and blessings on you and your little family.